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What is your femdom philosophy?

Many people identify with ‘femdom’ – but it can mean very different things to different people. I suggest there are several distinct ‘femdom philosophies’, although some people may hold a hybrid of these very different femdom perspectives- or perhaps others.


I am attempting to outline some different philosophies. Please comment if you identify if one of these views, a hybrid of more than one, a variation on one of these, or a completely different view.

Philosophy 1. Sissy submissives.

To dominate is masculine and to submit is feminine- however ‘sissies’ are men who submit to women. Femdom in this context usually involves some blurring of traditional gender roles.
With this philosophy, there is a certain type of male who submits to dominant women, who can be thought of as a sissy. Theses ‘sissies’ may also submit to other non-sissy men, particularly under the direction of dominant women – however other ‘non-sissy‘ men exist and usually do not submit to women.

Philosophy 2. Women are Superior.

Women are the superior sex and should be served by men who are by the natural inferior. This is the natural world order. The correct behavior of males is to be the slaves of women,

Philosophy 3. Sexual Power.

The sexual attraction men feel towards women gives women the ability to control men. Women who enjoy using this sexual attraction towards women are dominants and can be completely irresistible. Males can be slaves of such women not necessarily because women are ‘superior beings’ – but simply because they cannot resist.

Answers:

  • I agree completely that there are multiple schools of thought on female dominance. I disagree that there are only three (in reading it, it feels like there’s more that needs to be said but I can’t quite nail it down).

I would also like to point out that it’s very unlikely that a given femdom situation falls exclusively into any one of those three. What motivates the sissy to be with the femdom in the first place? Probably some elements of sexual attraction. I’d strongly expect there to be many many cross-overs like that (I know it is the case in my own experience).

  • I do not equate male submission with “sissies”. A man can be masculine and be submissive. “Sissy” also carries the implication of cross-dressing or wearing women’s clothing for humiliation– activities in which I do not participate.

I enjoy kind and gentlemen who enjoy sharing, giving, and nurturing.

  • My own belief is that dominance and submissiveness constitute a spectrum, with some people at one far end of the spectrum, others at the other end, and most people (vanillas) somewhere near the middle. Gender doesn’t determine where on the spectrum a person falls.

I am not submissive because women, as a class, are superior in some way. I find the idea that femdom requires the submissive man to take feminine characteristics or manners to be downright misogynistic.

And the idea that male desire for women gives them some special power over us seems dismissive towards women’s sexual desire and agency.

I am into femdom because I’m just wired in such a way that I only find true sexual and emotional fulfillment in a relationship in which my partner dominates and controls me. It just seems absurdly pretentious to think that there must be some grand philosophy underlying what is really just a part of my sexual identity.

I have no more need of philosophy to explain my submissiveness than I do of philosophy to explain why I’m heterosexual.

  • Interesting. I am the only woman and FemDom who has contributed to this conversation. The alternate view I contributed was criticized, rather than embraced as an expansion of the subject. It’s an observation, boys. If you want to understand FemDom philosophies, listen to FemDoms.
  • There are three different alternatives there, and it is great that you have a forth. All i was trying to point out is that it was expected from the outset that no one would agree with all three.
    The assumption was that the original idea was not explained sufficiently clearly, and the intent was to clarify the question, not criticize your point of view.
  • Not to be a pain in the butt… but your second sentence is.. “I suggest there are several distinct ‘femdom philosophies'”

There are words we use to describe particular interests, lifestyles and points of view, but I don’t personally see those as distinct or widely held beliefs. Old-guard might be the exception to that.

When you talk about things like sissy’s, or female supremacy – I think that leaves the realm of widely accepted, in-depth philosophy and enters into personal kink, which are even very different amongst those who would use the same word to describe what they’re into.

mature mistress

A sissy might not believe submitting is feminine for example, and might just feel more comfortable dressed as a woman or find it highly arousing.

The sexual power example to me also feels like a bit of a stretch, because people from all walks of life would probably agree that very attractive women do have some power as a result of their appearance, and attractive men too. I don’t think though that a dominant male would desire to submit, purely because the girl is pretty. Also, I don’t think a Domme would suddenly want to submit because the guy is hot.

Your second philosophy holds more water for me. Because it’s more of a belief system than the other two. But again I feel like a 100 more of similair merit could be mentioned.

  • Personally I prefer masculine men who are mature, capable, self-confident, intelligent, strong adults who submit because they want to do so. Some of them even enjoy sissy play from time to time, not because they are unmasculine but because they ARE masculine and being pulled out of that role puts them off balance and makes them vulnerable. Others enjoy emulating the feminine they love so and know they can never successfully achieve. Even then it isn’t a lack of masculinity, but an attempted temporary immersion in femininity. There are many other reasons men cross dress. A few of them are even into actually being weak little stereotypical sissies, but they’re actually only a few. Some of them don’t do the sissy thing at all, and have no need to.

Nor do they believe in any innate female superiority or natural world order. Nor are they ruled by their cocks. Influenced, sure, but not ruled.

And they do not submit to me because I’m masculine in my dominance. My Dominance is entirely feminine, not primarily based on sex, is not based on my possession of tits and a pussy, and works just fine on strong capable confident masculine men. The sex and body parts are fun, but they don’t control me or mine.

Your 3 philosophies do indeed include some few people, but only a few. There’s a much broader range of ideas and kinks and personalities and perspectives out there than you are giving us credit for.

  • I agree with Miss D and MsVerijaa. The original post stated: “Philosophy 1. Sissy submissives. To dominate is masculine and to submit is feminine- however ‘sissies’ are men who submit to women. Femdom in this context usually involves some blurring of traditional gender roles.” While this describes me personally the majority of male submissives I personally know do not and would not consider themselves sissies. They are strong, confident men who choose to submit to ladies because of the role reversal, release from pressures of their “normal” lives, and to escape their perceived expectations. They submit to a lady because of their male attitude which makes them feel more vulnerable when under the authority of a lady. They do not believe in female superiority nor are they searching for sexual release (for that they pay a prostitute). They just want to feel the release from control and authority.
  • I feel there could be hundreds if not thousands of sub philosophies and a person can change their substyle as time and circumstance allow, and their partners vary. but I do fall into the Female worship category…anything she touches is sexual gold for me..and that she handle and abuse the merchandise is necessary.
  • I agree with the idea of a spectrum or continuum with traditional macho maleness at one end and traditional swishy femininity at the other. All three philosophies are viable and reflect different moods or scenes that a person may want to experience. Why does one have to choose, anyhow? Choosing sets up a win-lose. Why not ‘choose’ one thing today and something else tomorrow?
  • I am violently opposed to all three the OP lists, and while I try to respect people’s differences, my personal take is that this summarizes a lot of what is wrong with stereotyped femdom culture. They all encapsulate social views that are sex-negative, bigoted or fundamentally anti-female.

I am a strong and dominant person. This really has jack shit to do with my gender. My strength and inclination to dominance and the path of Mastery (self and others) is not male and it is not female. It is not based in sex or seduction, nor is it based in brute physical prowess, though part of my personal path is to strive towards strength, health and fitness in all its myriad forms. It simply is.

It is most definitely not based in how pretty and pleasing I may be to men. It is the job of the submissive to work hard to be be attractive and pleasing to my eye, while I remain comfortable and confident.

It can’t be based in a patently false and unscientific notion of either gender being “better” than the other. Better at what, exactly? Evolution has made our strategies of survival and resource management different, but arguing that either is “superior” is bad science. Bad science gives me a headache.

And then we have the idea that dominance is intrinsically masculine and that men have to be feminized to submit. It is insulting and degrading for a man to be reduced to being a mere woman. This is about as anti-female dominant as you can possibly get and not be living in a Gor novel. Men who have that mindset are telling me that I am a worthless inferior female and that their humiliation comes from being dominated by a worthless inferior female while being dressed as a worthless inferior female. Gaaah. Dysfunctional much? This is not femdom. This is not even close to femdom. This is a male-centered fantasy, and the male whose fantasy you’re catering to doesn’t actually like or respect women.

The models of femdom that do work for me and that feel authentic are the role of alpha wolf to her pack, the samurai in service and the knight in devoted fealty. I’ve written at length about this in my posts here; feel free to perv through them. http://fetlife.com/users/44250/posts

  • I would also say that many kinks are based on cultural taboos or stereotypes that are not necessarily upheld by kinkifying them. I mean, why is rape play so exciting to some people? I don’t think it’s because they condone actual rape. So when a man wants to be forced into feminization, I don’t think it’s because he thinks being feminized weakens him or takes his power away, but because it is a culturally programmed source of shame for a lot of men, and also because it’s not culturally OK for men to access their feminine side, so being forced into helps them to feel OK with it. Most men grew up in an environment where being likened to a girl was a shameful thing. This kind of thing happens very early, it’s deep in our psyches, and when we grow up most of us don’t actually still believe those stereotypes. But it’s still hard to shake that early programming.

In truth I have found more Dominant men who see women as weaker and needing guidance or a firm hand than submissive. It’s part of their Manly persona, and that’s far more damaging in my mind.

  • it is interesting that noting observed ideas of others amounts to ‘sexist drivel’. It is interesting noting a view of others (even when i completely disagree with that view)- makes me a sexist bigot.

By the same logic i am murderer if i suspect that murders exist…..and of course anyone who states that sexist bigots exist must themselves be a sexist bigot.

At no time did i indicate my own perspective, instead of seeking to understand the views of others who hold a very different view to my own. Some people do tolerate and seek to understand others’ point of view- even though the vast majority find a point of view they disagree with and then simply vent. Stating it is impossible that anyone could support that view- even when an earlier poster has agreed with the very view.
It seems most prefer to stand on a soapbox and declare there is one truth. Wish there were more…..oh ‘but you missed this perspective…’ and gasp…people who could talk about a view they have encountered even though they disagree with it!

It has been interesting to read responses. I think i learnt most from @Alska51 – it is in reading her post that ‘the penny dropped’ that views of dominant males. submissive males, dominant females and submissive females of what Femdom is need not overlap. For example there may exist ‘submissive males’ with a view of femdom not share by any actual dominant fem!

To be honest….i don’t understand ‘Maledom’ at all – nor do I get people who seem to think anything characteristically male is thus dominant. however, they both do exist. I once read a post by a man who played ‘submissive’ with his partner by swapping roles. He thought he was being submissive by have doors opened for him and by being a passenger in the car instead of the driver. To him, he was being submissive …while to many of us he simply didn’t realise he was normally submissive and his ‘swap roles’ made him dominant for a change.

  • I strongly agree with your perspective that those who seem to feel that a submissive man is required to take feminine characteristics or manners to be downright misogynistic. Even more foreign to me is the idea that dominant women need to act masculine- but some seem to me to act that way.

I do believe you hold ‘a philosophy’ -even though to you simply appears to be normal. As a ‘philosophy’ it appears to closely match the description of number 3. If I understand correctly, the variation is that you only find fulfillment when submitting, so you do not necessarily automatically submit before even thinking in such circumstances.

  • So when a man wants to be forced into feminization, I don’t think it’s because he thinks being feminized weakens him or takes his power away, but because it is a culturally programmed source of shame for a lot of men, and also because it’s not culturally OK for men to access their feminine side, so being forced into helps them to feel OK with it. Most men grew up in an environment where being likened to a girl was a shameful thing. This kind of thing happens very early, it’s deep in our psyches, and when we grow up most of us don’t actually still believe those stereotypes. But it’s still hard to shake that early programming.

I think ‘feminization’ yet again means very very different things to different people. I agree that what you is how it is for some people, but i think there are other approaches as well. Again it is not a ‘one size fits all’.
For some it does take their power away- not because they are being a woman – because it is very clear to all they are not. The same clothes that make a woman look amazing can make a man look simply foolish. And then those clothes do take his power away- even though the same clothes could be ‘power dressing’ for a woman. Then there are other approaches as well…..some even do try to look like a real woman!!

  • my what a pathetic strawman argument. i see sexism in what you said so i am sexist? every dominant woman who has come to this thread and told you that they do not agree with your OP has been met with haughtiness and reactionary anger. those people who have stroked your little OP and called it nice things get the opposite reaction. grow up. you keep claiming that you want to talk about the different ways that people relate to femdom, but when people disagree with what you have said you throw fits. I think the “Cubbie” doth protest too much. clearly, this is how femdom is for you or you wouldn’t spend so much time boohooing and getting upset at people for picking apart your OP. own it.
  • My take on this is that Femdom would be a part of BDSM proper and it would be safe, sane, and consensual. Here the sub can also be female.
    Female supremacy on the other hand is definitely like femdom but it is not consensual. The woman does what she likes. And the slave is always a man.In female supremacy, the women take pleasure in breaking men. They do not look for only submissive men. They target the entire male population.
    They do not believe in safewords. Their word is the law. And it is not played.They punish the man and through punishment force the man to do what they want.
    There are two types of slaves – alpha slaves and sissy slaves. Sissy slaves like cuckolding, cross-dressing and taking a strapon up their ass.
    Alpha slaves do not have anything to do with the above three things but the idea of serving as a hot chick’s urinal will arouse him quite a lo.
  • There are ten types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.

Seriously, folks. Anyone who tries to classify the width and breath of human relationships, feelings and experiences into X number of types has usually got their head so far up their own ass that they can’t see daylight. The range of how men experience their submission is a hell of a lot bigger and more complex than you can break down into any number of types, let alone two.

When you’re done writing wank fodder, you can join the adult conversation. But leave the wank fodder where it belongs, please. Like your used tissues, nobody else really wants to see it.

Nonsense. I’m a female who happens to be a dom, not a dom because I’m female.

Alpha slaves do not have anything to do with the above three things but the idea of serving as a hot chick’s urinal will arouse him quite a lo.

Plenty of butches, macho, not cross-dressing guys like cross-dressing or cuckolding and plenty of crossdressers and sissies like piss-play. So again, nonsense.

That woman who has the ability to turn a normally sane, strong-willed man into that groveling puppy dog, willing to do anything for this woman. Happens all the time.

Until he ejaculates or is otherwise distracted, assuming the individual shows lousy judgment and poor impulse control enough that temptation works as a lever. Being the gatekeeper of pussy is a terrible way to run a power dynamic. It generally works better to find a consenting man who likes the idea of cowering and groveling for its own sake. And many of these don’t want to wear drag, don’t see things in gender binary terms and don’t have hangups they need kink to express.

I generally reject these psycho-sexual theories if they apply to only a fraction of the population. Why am I so different from a male dom just because society equips me with a stupid wardrobe? I whip, I boss, I orgasm. And just because it turns me on to call someone a worthless piece of shit and sexually violate them with a carrot (in a condom, I’m not a barbarian) doesn’t mean that I don’t see them as my equal, just like I expect the guy going “Yes, mistress, please don’t do it (ooooo) harder!” to be aware I’m a human being of equal worth and merit.

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