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Is the lesbian female supremacist FemDomme an oxymoron?

Like most FemDommes, I really enjoy degrading men. I love putting them in their place. I like to see them tortured. I enjoy most when my dominant side is able to interact with people from the perspective of a female supremacist and at my core, I have no problem espousing that men are only good for manual labor and procreation… and soon only the former.

And yet I am a lesbian. Not a hardcore militant lesbian, but just a girl that likes girls… exclusively. In fact, I find men physically repulse me. I’ve tried to play with a few and I find myself wanting to use toys with the longest reach and really don’t enjoy the experience. So I made the decision it’s girls only for play and for sex.

I love flaunting my superiority over men and even receive an additional sadistic thrill with the fact that nothing about them could ever interest me. Being able to say “you have nothing to offer me” to a horny and excited guy is quite fulfilling. Even more, I love going on webcam and allowing these salivating dogs to lust after me, knowing in my mind that they want what they will never have.

It really feels to me like conflicting desires. If I enjoy toying with and abusing men so much, would it not make sense that I’d want to get one alone and continue his suffering for my amusement?

Answers:

  • Possibly your perspective (enjoy flaunting your superiority over men) yet dislike of close – intimate contact can be explained by your age (young). __BUT__, then I have NO excuse for feeling the same way since I am almost twice your age. LOL

So, I’m going to speak about – for myself. Please do let me know if what I say resonates with – fits your situation.

Permit me to first point out I can think of a few, very few, males I know who don’t ‘fit’ in my neatly packaged perspective i.e. they are the exception(s). Most are either so FULL of themselves or tend to only think with their lower head OR worse STILL guilty of BOTH!

No, just because you know you are superior and enjoy letting males know that, and you’re not wanting more intimate contact, is NOT a conflict. It is two aspects of who you are. To/for many, it may sound like a dichotomy, but for me, it’s the nature of the matter.

Based on your profile and pictures you are a ‘gas’. Of course, the fact that you like gas masks HELPS ‘n seeing several poses makes me say, ‘Daymn’ why do so many of the neat (in behavior – attitude) Lesbians live SO far away.

  • You’re more than entitled to your opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. More power to you. Personally, I find your opinion of yourself no less over-inflated than those of the men you disdain. If it makes any difference, as a guy, a woman has to make me feel she’s superior, and all the posturing and boasting in the world isn’t convincing.

The first pro-domme I went to is a lesbian, and I’d try to walk on hot coals for her to this day if she asked. Her voice is quiet, her manner cheerful, and there’s no mistaking her authority. I have no idea how she feels toward men deep down inside, but she’ll show some genuine compassion toward us when appropriate – I’ve received it. She wins respect and adoration without demanding them.

If you like to taunt men on webcams, those are the kind of guys you’ll probably encounter and base a lot of opinions on – one’s who jerk off to webcams. They won’t give you a great impression – lol. I’m sure it’s an ego rush and fun to taunt them. There are other types of men who are drawn to women who can whisper their dominance, or simply project it. Just a different pov.

over 11 years ago Reply more
KellyChance
KellyChance:
I personally love men and do not think that most dominant women hold them in disdain or as somehow less worthy than women.

On the contrary, I want a man who has strong personal power and will willingly hand over the authority to use that power to me. If he saw himself as has been described above, he would not hold any interest for me.

  • In the first place, I find it hard to see any woman as superior who gets off on flaunting herself for the edification of wankers. Who is in control in this situation. The male is there to jack off and she is just there to help him do it.

Secondly, I find it hard to listen to anyone with respect who is the flip side of the paternalistic ego inflated male that so many women call sexist and chauvinistic. The attitude is no different the gonads are the only change. I find both attitudes pathetic to the extreme as it is not the sex of the person that makes them superior it is the actions and the character.

Third, I used to work in female maximum state prison. That will teach you very very quickly that there is nothing superior about the female gender. Women many times can be more vicious and backstabbing than men under the best of circumstances.

SO is it an oxymoron? No, it is just the same old hot air just from different sex. Now you want to talk about oxymorons? How about responsible government, or military intelligence, or fast food. Those are true oxymorons.

  • I love putting men in their place too, or worse(a platter would be nice too. Yum!). I don’t think being a lesbian female supremacist makes you an oxymoron unless you want him to be childlike like vanilla men want their women to be.
    I’m bi, but drawn more to women intellectually and emotionally, but I do like men but pickier about appearance and obedience of course. He’s got to eat right and stay fit and slim and the layered baby look that came around in the ’90s, no, if he wants me to dress revealing, he’s going to reveal more, and better look good doing so.
  • I have known a number of dommes over the years and the majority of them have liked men, even loved. I could be wrong but I don’t believe that it’s possible for a woman to be any good as a domme if all she feels towards men is hatred. And as if the little webcam escapades I think they say more about you than the men involved. You describe yourself as superior to men? How. Have you written any symphonies lately? before you start belittling men with your smug uneducated attitude you might want to remember to millions of men who died in two world wars so you would have the right to free speech. To me you sound like a silly little girl who has picked up her philosophy from cheap feminist novels. here’s a little nugget of information. Do you know who the worst offenders are when it comes to child abuse? Women. Still feel superior. Being a woman doesnt make you superior nor does it entitle you to one iota of respect. That comes from the person you are. You might want to take another look at yourself. If you’re brave enough to do so
  • I agree, you need to act like men to be able to effectively dominate them. I believe that the idea of the male dominating FemDomme doing it BECAUSE she hates men is a total fallacy. This is why I don’t Domme men.

I should point out that I’m not a man-hater per se, I’ve just come to learn that they really have no place of interest in my life. As I receive multitudes of come-ons and requests from guys on a daily basis, I come to regard them as pathetic little dogs barking to get up a tree they could never climb. I do have many guy friends who I love dearly as people. But when it comes to the entirety of the male species, I find myself able to generalize them in a derogatory way that leaves me with a smile on my face. šŸ™‚

The crux of my confusion is if I enjoy it, then why don’t I want a male slave. The answer is easy, because they physically repulse me to play with. So why do I enjoy it? Maybe it’s just a giant mobius strip of a contradiction that can never be answered.

  • Some men give me the willies and I have that same reaction of looking for the longest toy possible so I don’t have to touch them. As a pro, I just don’t see those clients again. It’s not any fun to dominate somebody I truly have no connection with at all and I’d rather pass them off to someone more compatible. In my personal life, I usually only top close friends and people I have a certain amount of affection and respect for. Anything else is icky and a waste of time. I don’t think gender has much to do with it, other than that there are just so many icky guys it gets easy to lump them all together sometimes as a disgusting breed in general, but that’s really not fair.
  • Your post is filled with bile and hatred towards men and when you use a term such as female supremacy then you just sound like a nazi. If my comments were rude or insulting then they were no more so than yours. If a person makes the kind of comments that you made then I’m afraid they are leaving themselves open. You have a great deal to learn. Fine you dont find men sexually attractive. Gay men dont find women sexually attractive but by and large they treat women with respect, as do submissive men. And for somebody who finds men so repulsive you seem to obsessed with them. Tell me would you have you have the same attitude towards your father. You must do as you admit that you lump all men together into the one cathegory.
  • I would like to point out that many gay men are terribly misogynistic.

I consider that equally wrong.

I posed an honest and self-reflective question here in hopes of getting feedback to further my personal growth.

And I think you are getting that feedback for personal growth: (1) it’s not cool to make generalizations and describe a whole class of people as inferior, (2) and choice of words matters tremendously.

If you don’t find men sexually interesting, fair enough. It is a whole different matter to say they are good only for labor, and to refer to them as pathetic dogs and the like. Would it not be unfair of a gay man or a person who has issues with a transexual person to say the same about you simply because you are not of sexual interest to such a person?

If you have men whom you hold dear, do they not defeat the image you hold of men, and is it not disrespectful to those dear friends when you speak of men in general in this manner?

  • I’m going to be very direct. I’m commenting on this, “before you start belittling men with your smug uneducated attitude you might want to remember to millions of men who died in two world wars so you would have the right to free sppeech” you misspelled speech by the way. But! Have you lost your mind!? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard on this site. WWII had not a damn thing to do with women’s rights, or free speech, in fact, women even if they wanted to wouldn’t have been allowed to fight. Read your history books. It was all about protecting allies and the country
    from a system that the US government once considered becoming allies with
  • um, gosh, you guys think about this stuff so freakin’ hard….ouch! I go out, I meet people, I beat people, I have fun. OMG it’s not a class, its a dungeon….relax, breathe, go with it, enjoy….it’s supposed to be FUN people……….remember???? FUN?????????
    and by the way……….some of us Dommes LOVE, love, love men and we beat em for good reasons………..FUN and mutual pleasure being one of the biggest ones….hello????
  • I’m going to try to help you with your question instead of getting into the drama. Your choice of words to me reveals a hatred of males. Things like degrading them, torturing them, like salivating dogs, and good for only manual labor, toys with the longest reach (to avoid even touching them). These are the words I mean. Now some of the things I say may not apply because I’m just guessing based on some of the things in my past. I wondered if you have always thought of yourself as a female born in the wrong body? I you did it makes it terrible in trying to grow up and fit in anywhere. The girls shun you and the boys treat you like a sissy fag. Did the super studs in school torment you because of your feminine looking body. Or maybe did even worse by forcing themselves on you in some way and taking sexual liberties with you. Don’t jump me here I am only guessing so I know I may be way off base. But if any of this is true then that would explain the contradictions, at least to me. You disdain males because of what they did to you. You like toying with these masculine males because they think they are wanking off to a lovely woman. How funny it would to have them out that they were wanking to a lovely female but just one that has a cock like them. What a nasty demeaning joke to their manhood that would be. Then you enjoy making fools of them with they wank off to you but you don’t want a disgusting male with his spurting male slime near you. I read this thread several times and each time I wondered why is her disdain of males is so deep and well expressed in her posts. I again am only guessing but if any of this is true then it may help explain your oxymoron. By the way it’s what you believe in your brain that makes who you are and you are a lovely sensual woman.
  • this group is called femdom. And you are getting in the drama. it’s a group for those of us who are into that. What did you expect.

Fm is not universally about disdain of men.

Indeed torturing, physical and verbal degradation, and manual labor are common themes in BDSM. However, the matter is a bit different here and I do not see your statement to be as representative of all as you present it to be.

To me, the torture and physical and verbal degradation as described or done by the OP come from a disrespectful place. While some in BDSM might enjoy treatment that comes from a place of disrespect, not all do.

And the OP’s comment about being useful for labor only appears to be not in the context of service or BDSM, but in an intellectual context about universal roles in society. I do not agree with this statement intellectually and find it to come from the same disrespectful place.

While some who enjoy femdom might hold these views, I do not see these views to capture the spirit of femdom.

  • A no of points I would like to make in regard to this thread: 1. I believe the point I made in regard to world war 2 is a valid one. The reason is because if the Nazis had won the war then anybody whom they did not consider normal ie. Gays, Lesbians, TGs would more than likely have been put in a camp and experimented and eventually murdered. 2. I am certainly not a chauvinist in any way shape or form but I believe that Sexism is wrong. It is wrong for men to practise it and it is wrong for women to practise it. 3. To me Mistress Lynch’s feelings seem to be coming from a place of hatred so she has no real concept of the psychology and philisophy behind Femdom or indeed any form of domination. There is no place for hatred in BDSM. Its about mutual respect and understanding, even more so than it is in the Vanilla world. If that understanding and respect is not there then there is a very real danger that somebody can end up being seriously damaged. 4. Re the Symphony reference. I admit that was a slightly cheap shot but it seems to be the trend these tends to belittle men at every opportunity. As a man then I’m well aware of the catalogue of crimes committed by men but those men dont represent every man on the planet just as every woman who commits a terrible crime doesnt represent every woman on the planet. Men have contributed a lot to the world which is extremely positive, just as woman have. 5. Rules in regard to equality obviously go out the window when a sub is in the presense of his Domme but the respect and understanding must still remain.
  • I’m actually finding it amusing the picture many people are painting of me, and I’m sure it’s partially my fault. I am not a man loathing militant angry woman by any means. I’m actually extremely laid back. When I speak of putting men in their place, calling them dogs, using them for labour, etc… that is my attitude when I am in femdomme mode. Many guys and girls love being humiliated in the kink scene. Pain and humiliation are the two biggest things that people enjoy. I’m not a sadist. I’ve never totally identified with the term humiliatrix, but humiliation and degredation is a large part of what I enjoy. With that in mind, this is why it makes it very easy for me to take the stance towards guys that I do as a femdomme. This is not a hard leap to make, and there are no shortage of guys who eat it up.

I do have a boy that play with on occassion. It started before I was fully sure of my complete lack of desire to be with men physically. But because I broke his kink cherry and because (very important to people listening) he feels completely safe and unrestrained in serving me, I continue to play with him. After we first played he thanked me for the continuous open communication during play, and for being so considerate and compassionate. In fact, these are the compliments I hear from everyone I play with.

Getting back to what MistressTerry said, this is supposed to be fun. It’s a lifestyle where we are indulging in our dark fantasies and agree to do so in as much of a safe and controlled way as we can. I do not go to work and shout at my male employees and tell them they are shit.

I remember watching the documentary Fetishes, and when asked if they dislike men, the Dommes speak up and say that they love men and assert that if you don’t love men, then you will not last as a ProDomme. I fully believe this to be true, and this is why I don’t Domme men as a rule, and it’s not about not wanting to take the time to get to know them, or appreciate them as people. But simply because they actually physically displease me.

I would love to be bi, I really would. I have like 6 guys that actively want to date me, and I’ve made sincere efforts to see if I could make it work. But they all led to the same conclusion, and that I’m only comfortable with women. That’s fine, I fully accept that.

I just still struggle with the fact that I enjoy being a FemDomme bitch to guys verbally and not physically.

  • Rarely do I get into a debate online as I find it terribly counterproductive. However, if you read my original post you will notice that I say: “…many gay men are terribly misogynistic.” I have never stated that ‘all’ gay men are anything. As for the attitudes of ‘many’ gay men, I suggest that you enter into some face to face conversations with gay men in gay bars. I think you might be surprised to find that many of these men have some really skewed ideas and perceptions about women.

Things that I have heard or have been said to me:

“… and for god’s sake clean it (vagina) out once in a while. The stench is almost unbearable” This was from a friend of mine.

“damn breeder”

“Some fatass was twirling a flogger around trying to look cool and hip or something. Some other fatass was walking around in clothes that were far too tight for her 300-pound body. Several other fatasses were discussing the merits of eating and wearing tight plastic clothes or something to that effect. What Iā€™m getting at is that the straight D/s community is, without fail, morbidly obese and without shame. … Several of the morbidly obese women from the previous night were in attendance. I got to see the straight D/s world in their natural habitat. … Eventually he convinced a woman to walk him around the room while he sniffed at the crotches of several fat women. …. A morbidly obese woman had an equally obese woman and a man who must have weighed 100 pounds and was running a scene with them which entailed a really shitty spanking/flogging. … I see that the fatass and her twig and other fatass had finished their scene and were having a good cry about it on a couch setup for aftercare.” – This is from a blog about a BDSM/Pansexual Convention. The man writing the blog is known to me as a gay Leather boy.

As well, I have been present in gay bars for pansexual events and have been intentionally bumped, shoved, shunned, borderline assaulted, etc. I by no means believe that all gay men are women haters but when the flooring in one gay bar that I patronized is designed to be a physical hazard to those wearing any type of narrow heel, … well, you can’t really say they are encouraging women to become regulars.

  • I’ve actually written quite a bit. Novels, plays, short stories, poetry. In hindsight the remark re symphony was a cheap shot but the tone of Mistress Lynch’s post annoyed because it appeared to be coming from a place of hatred, a place which could potentially lead to real genuine danger for any man that got involved with her. But she appears to have changed that stance now. or it could be that I read the tone now and what she was really saying was that in order to enter into the psyche mode for domming then she views them as inferior being? Which does make sense. So If I did read the post incorrectly then I apologize to her now.
  • There is no gay America and there is no straight America. There is the United States of America šŸ˜‰

For all the stories about negative comments from gay men, I could tell more that they are positive. I could talk about the gay man in Austin who for several years served and led a mostly het BDSM group. I could talk about the gay man in Austin who runs Central Texas Boys of Leather and regularly arranges events open to the entire BDSM community. I could talk about the gay woman in Dallas who founded a new group that serves people of all orientations. And I am sure there are just as many stories, good and bad, about how a het person or persons have behaved towards the gay community or the general BDSM community. I see this type of behavior to be distributed across people and not specific to any group.

I appreciate gay men because based on my experiences, amongst het women, gay women, and het men, gay men are more open to others coming into their space than the other way around. I think I am fortunate to have experienced events and communities where gay and het folks get along well. I think Dallas has a model leather community. I know the same is not true everywhere and in my opinion, even one person can make the difference about whether the relationship between gay and het folks is good or bad.

In any case, I do not see the issue in this thread to be tied to homosexuality. There are too many gay women who appreciate men for me to think the behavior is specific to being gay. I think the behavior is specific to whatever feelings a given person has based on whatever experiences such a person has had.

  • This thread has gotten totally out of control and either I’ve hit a severe nerve or people really need to take a chill pill. I’ve wondered exactly how people have managed to get all worked up about civil liberties and gender inequities in a group dedicated to Female Domination on a kink website.

You’re right, me being transgendered has absolutely nothing to do with the topic, and to suggest otherwise is spurious and misleading at best… even going to the ridiculous extents that weewee went to create this entire history that I may or may not have lived/endured as an explanation for who I am today. This is why I haven’t responded to these comments.

I will however say that to assert that I have “duped” people like MisPandora says is utter and absolute bullshit. I state with unflinching clarity exactly who and what I am so that no one can ever rightfully accuse me of being the “deceptive tranny.” I have nothing to hide and I am who I am, but I will not start every communication with a disclaimer about my personal medical history, nor should I be expected to.

If we want to have a general conversation about why we enjoy Female Domination and the psychological ramifications and origins of said fetish, in the FemDomme group, that sounds like a fabulous idea. Honestly, it has this feeling like I just walked into a meat deli convention and said “mmm, this is great pepperoni” and was greeted with stunning looks from everyone as if I were a cannibal.

I also see a great deal of hypocrisy going on where I’ll be blasted for my perspectives and generalizations on Female Domination and people like slavedoge will go on to post threads asking why any woman would ever submit to creatures as weak as men.

But the last thing I am is a drama queen, so I really don’t dig what’s become of what was meant to be a simple thread over what I thought was a simple topic. So I’m hoping this post will bring this thread to a close because I don’t feel like it’s doing anyone any good.

 

  • Differences in male and female anatomy include differences in the brain and, thus, psychology. Each sex of a person (physical identity) and gender of a person (psychological identity) are defined via biological processes at the time of conception. Sometimes the physical identity and mental identity are out of alignment due to biological reasons. A change in sex (the physical identity) is not so much a want as a need. I hope you are not confusing transgenderism with fetish-based cross-dressing.

I do not have an issue with your style of play if it is based on degradation and various forms of SM alone. To the extent I have an issue, it is related to where or, at least, one of the places I see your interest in this play to be rooted.

To convey my point using an edgier example, a racial supremacist might engage in uncaring SM (without fondness or regard) with subs of a different race. Within mutual consent and interest, I do not object to even this form of play. In fact, I even see the raw SM appeal such play might carry for each party. Still, I would have philosophical and intellectual differences with the racial supremacist (and subs who intellectually subscribe to the same view) for his general views (versus a fantasy or construct for sake of SM) about his sense of superiority of self (with respect to human worth, not mutually chosen power and status imbalance) and contempt for the subs.

The same principle applies to your play. I do not object to the SM play itself. To the extent it comes from general contempt for men, I intellectually and philosophically disagree with you.

I will add that I see SM play that comes from a place of contempt to less likely care about what emotional or physical harm might result from the play. In caring SM, each compassion, fondness, and a sense of ethics and responsibility help mitigate against such harm. In SM flavored by contempt, this mitigation relies more on ethics and responsibility, the effectiveness of which will vary from person to person.

Based on how I feel about the various women and men in my life and for intellectual reasons, it is hard for me to understand a general contempt for women or men. I see anyone who holds the other gender in contempt to have some form of an issue. If you have such an issue, in my opinion exploring why you have this issue would be helpful to you.

If you do not have this issue, there have been explicit references in multiple posts to the various portions of your text which convey a contempt for men. If they misrepresent you, it is you who typed them. If you do not wish people to offend you, why not reciprocate the courtesy with how you choose your words.

To address your question, I do not see a contradiction between being lesbian and wishing to engage in SM with men. Many people have different preferences with respect to general intimacy and BDSM; one very well regarded couple in the BDSM scene has a gay man as a master to a gay woman. She is allowed lovers but her M/s dynamic supersedes her relationship with a lover.

And I think it is reasonable that you might like to play with men yet not want to have an ongoing relationship with one. Compatibility is not black or white but grey. There are many instances where a given domme will play with a given sub at a play party and there only–there is enough compatibility for play at a party but not enough for anything beyond. Perhaps for you, all that defines compatibility for an ongoing relationship creates a general likelihood that a man will not be compatible with you for such a relationship. The type of play you describe seems more suited for getting your respective fixes, and not a broader interpersonal relationship.

I think it is possible for you to run into a man with whom you will feel enough compatibility to keep around. I am confused by your question because one of your posts suggests you already have had such an experience.

Lastly, I think some of the disagreements in this thread result from confusion between concepts of female superiority (based on general human worth), female supremacy (based on chosen status imbalance, not human worth), and dominant supremacy (supremacy extended to a dominant who must be of a given gender due to one’s preference, and confusing this supremacy with gender supremacy in general), a discussion I will save for another time.

  • Just a few points I would like to make here. Firstly I would like to praise the sea for his excellent responses to this thread. They have been excellent and extremely well written. He is obviously a person of great intelligence with genuine compassion and insight into human nature. I’m also going to defend MistressLynch. I don’t agree with the tone of the original thread but I will defend the right of anybody to define themselves as they wish. those of us who are involved in the world of BDSM is all too aware of the ignorance we have to face and while I am no expert on the subject of transgender I know enough about it to understand that the people involved suffering a great deal of emotional and psychological pain. As a submissive male I have a hide a great deal of my inner self from the rest of the world because most people would not understand why I would want to submit to a woman. Many of these people would be women. All to often the world tries to force people to deny who they are and it takes courage to stand up and say this is who i am.

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