How and Why I Keep My Husband in Chastity

Metal cock cage with a heart lock

I started this so that I could spread the word that by enforcing chastity and orgasm control on our husbands we really can live the PERFECT MARRIAGE. No arguing, no guilt when we are too tired for sex, just plenty of great orgasms for me and a happy, well-adjusted, eager to please husband!

Your Keyholder is waiting for you near ?

Chastity is something that my husband of 8 years and I have had an interest in for many years, it became a part of our life three years ago. I am a flight attendant for a major airline and my job puts me out of town for at least two nights per week. Patrick and I were always into exploring in our sexual relationship and research brought us into the wonderful world of chastity. After finding that it sparked a common interest we spent more than a year researching, he did the research on devices and I researched how to make it work.

I have always felt that being well informed about something allows for one to be able to do something well. Whether you are here to research or your partner sent you here one thing is apparent, you obviously have some sort of interest or you wouldn’t be taking the time to read about the amazing concept of male chastity and its benefits. I have communicated with more than thirty ladies who keep their men chaste – three of whom I have met with in person – and the one thing that was truly agreed upon was that the benefits were by and large incredible. It may amaze you, as it did me, to find out that so many men and women use chastity as part of their relationship, really more than you could imagine. This goes to show that it is truly anonymous.

To make it work you need to develop a plan, as I said, I communicated with many others and all but one agreed that this is something that should become a 24/7 part of the relationship. 24/7 is the foundation, it is what changes men for the positive because they shouldn’t have the opportunity to control their sexual release and this is one of the areas that the lady, mistress, keyholder or whatever you prefer to be recognized as must have absolute control of. Although the lady remains in control it is very important to remember that you and he are still a couple in a relationship, he is still the man and that shouldn’t be forgotten, your relationship only changes once you close the bedroom door. Life goes on as it always had, employment, financial, family issues and decisions; your dominance should not interfere in other areas though you will find that he on his own may react differently, often positively, as his feelings and emotions change.

Whether this is something that you requested from him or that the two of you mutually agreed upon – one thing is a necessity, there needs to be something for him to gain. He is giving up something that is a very important part of the male’s life, his sexual abilities – and for that you need to realize that he too should be rewarded, as well as you will, but obviously in a much different way. You know the things that he likes, that arouse him, put a smile on his face. Often times we find that there are things that really do not interest us that do him and considering the sacrifice that he is making you too can make sacrifices, like life, chastity needs mutual rewards and often you will find those things that you reward him with will lead to an increase in his being aroused and enhancing his overall demeanor. It could be massages or trying sexual things that he likes but you never desired to try. Changes in your appearance, how you dress, the make-up you apply, shortening your dress and for most men, a lady wearing high heels heightens their happiness and arousal. He is making a permanent change in his lifestyle and you too may need to make some permanent adjustments so that he feels things are fair.

All men, given the ability, masturbate and this is something that is difficult for him to part with. Chastity works in many ways; it changes his mood, demeanor, and libido. Most importantly it changes his desire to please you. As he continues to build up the sexual energy that he no longer has the ability to release as he pleases he will divert that energy towards pleasing you. Your being the source of his sexual pleasure will change his feelings, he will adore you, love you in a way that you desire and he will be eager to please you because you are, as I said, the source of his release. He will find, over time, he is happier and that will be because you’re happier, he will love the emotional boost the two of you share.

How to do it, that is an extremely important decision. Developing the correct plan, one that is universal for all men, was the most detailed part of the communication process and ultimately the good points were examined and the bad ones were weeded out. By taking the advice of many other ladies and being able to put a well-informed plan together I was confident that we could be successful. I followed this plan from day one and still, to this day, I have found it works. At least a dozen or more other ladies have also utilized this plan, successfully. We must always remember that sexually we are always in command and that first and foremost we will always be sexually satisfied, this is the cornerstone to happiness for both you and him. Keeping us sexually satisfied is the gentleman’s job; anywhere and anytime I say by any means that I demand. Because he cannot and does not experience the pleasure of an orgasm only means that you experience many more than ever before.

You may think that this works only to your advantage and that is a common misconception, it just as advantageous for him. He must keep you satisfied in order to eventually get his release and every time he satisfies you he is happy because he has made you happy. It is important to instill to him that his primary means of sexual gratification will be through yours, eventually, every time you experience an orgasm he will have a sense of sexual satisfaction. How you will accomplish this I will explain in a moment. What could be better, you being pleasured any way you like and experiencing the wonderful sensations as he can not but he feels satisfied and still maintains a high libido. Although you still equal outside of the bedroom you are the queen of the bedroom and he is your slave.

To enforce that you do have a certain amount of control it is important that he be forced to do and maintain a change in his appearance, something between you and he. This must be something that would be embarrassing for him when out in the general public so it should be concealed. Generally, something under his clothes; replacing his underwear with ladies panties and requiring him to wear a bra are examples. Most commonly, women agreed that the man’s underwear was best, easily covered or uncovered based on your orders when the time is suitable. In our case, Padrick wears matching bra and panties and ither pantyhose or stockings every day and he receives bi-weekly pedicures at a salon with which he maintains a French style nail finish except for occasions that I instruct him to do something different. He must wear whatever underwear I designate, either panties, thongs, just pantyhose (especially in the wintertime!) or even diapers (which he must use).

Another great motivator, I found is to tell one or two of your girlfriends about your husband’s situation. Encourage them to flirt with him or even to grab him on the genitals when they are around (don’t worry, he can’t do anything about it 😉 ). I even let my best friend change Patrick’s diapers whenever she is at our house (he tried to refuse at first, but quickly agreed when I threatened to deny him for an extra 6 months!) This is guaranteed to embarrass hubby and to let him really understand that there is no chance of ever changing his situation. I find this does absolutely nothing for me but reinforce to him the fact that I am in control, as previously said this is most important, his failure to comply will have consequences he does not desire.

A note about life here. Your husband may be mortified by the idea of having his doctor (Make sure his is a woman!) see him in his chastised state and may even insist that she needs to inspect his private parts for health. Trust me, you can call ahead to his doctor (Patrick sees my OB GYN for his physicals) and if she does want to remove the device, you can be there to witness it, and even to insist that his hands are restrained. (If you are worried about discussing this with your doc, look at for a list of Kink aware doctors in your locale). Our doctor even gave me a great tip: before I lock his device i put an external catheter (like a sticky condom) on him, this keeps the urine away from his skin and generally improves health and hygene issues – you can find these at any medical supply store and most big pharmacies.

How to achieve your results, this is easier than you might think. Why is this so simple, because you will feel empowered and pleased without the slightest discomfort. Depending on your situation variations in time will be different but there are parameters that should be followed to achieve the greatest results. The most important step is always the first one, this is where he is made to understand that you control his sexual pleasure from this point forward, the initial enforcement of chastity should be at least three months of continuous wear without relief. That three month period does seem a bit harsh but it is paramount to your success because it allows his body and mind to adjust to the lack of masturbation and sexual pleasure as desired. Enforcing the first three month period will allow him to get into the proper frame of mind and make him understand your desire and your commitment and your determination to his being chaste; it will also give you the chance to develop the strength to say “no”. He should be made aware of the time frame immediately after his being secured in his device, this allows for a clear understanding of the initial commitment of time. Also, be sure to make him aware that asking (or begging) for relief will only earn him additional time in lockup – you really don’t EVER want to give in on this point because, trust me, he will annoy you forever if he thinks there is a chance of early relief!

Upon completing the three-month confinement I assure you that he will have an experience like never before, this is a reward for the couple, you will have a sense of strength for enforcing it and him for getting through it. Once you allow him his release it is entirely up to you, within reason how many sexual experiences you allow, how they occur and how the ejaculate is disposed of (I make Patrick eat his ejaculate every time, failure to do so is punishable by an extra 3 months’ denial!).

A MOST IMPORTANT STEP during his release period is to ensure that you will get him back into his device. I accomplish this by locking a steel chain around his neck and onto the frame of our bed prior to removing his device and before the chain comes off he is again secured in his chastity device, I am confident that he would not be able to escape from his chained state. Alternatively, I sometimes want to give him relief when we are away from the bed so for those times, I carry a pair of steel handcuffs in my purse. In either case, it is VITALLY IMPORTANT that before you ever take the key from its hiding place, you have him securely bound, either with the handcuffs or the chain. This is because once you unlock him, he will definitely not want to let you re-attach the chastity device.

It now becomes time to determine his routine, from this point it is a decision you must make and he must be made aware of it. As a routine he should never be allowed to achieve orgasm more than once per month but should not be withheld for more than three months, I have found that a good baseline is to only allow releases on special holidays so I let him orgasm on New Year’s Day, Valentines’ Day, our Anniversary, His Birthday and Christmas. That’s right, my Patrick only gets to orgasm 5 times a year, and WE BOTH LOVE it! Remember though, I get to orgasm from his mouth or by making him wear a strap on replica dildo every day!) You may find that you allow him to be released every two months and then decide that you would enjoy making him go for a longer period, it is alright to suddenly increase the time. He might ask why and you simply need to tell him why; I have responded with “because I am in control of your sexual abilities and I enjoy denying you, the longer I deny you the more you become frustratingly horny and thus I feel a sense of satisfaction”. It isn’t out of the realm of possibility to, on occasion, deny him for a much greater time, I have considered trying an entire year but this will certainly require meeting his other needs, remember this is a give and take. You are taking his ability to orgasm so you must reward him. Remember that if you do deny him regularly for more than 2 months at a time, then you need to make sure you learn how to massage his prostate gland to “milk” him of his stored semen. Don’t worry though, this does not produce a pleasurable orgasm for him.

From time to time you might find it necessary to punish him for whatever reason, he might refuse to provide you with sexual pleasure as instructed or he spoke to you in a negative and degrading way; you instructed him to provide cunnilingus after he ejaculated in you and he refused; there are certainly many infractions. The most effective punishment is to increase his time of confinement; this should always be done in one-month increments. He may have been in a bad mood and refused to provide oral sex to you one evening, upon his refusal, it is imperative that you do what he would not. Masturbate yourself to as many orgasms as you like, he will attempt to provide for you but you must not allow him to. After you have satisfied yourself let him know that his refusal requires that he be punished and that you have decided that an additional 3 months will be added to the time that is already required, any argument and it could be a year. Prostate milking can also be a form of punishment or sometimes a necessary procedure, most men do not enjoy being penetrated rectally and they tend to despise seeing their ejaculate expelled in large quantities without any sense of pleasure or release. Punishment will remain a vivid thought for him and for a long time, it is unlikely he will refuse your request again.

Conversation, by far, plays the biggest part. It takes very little energy and allows you to increase his frustration without having to do anything. Telling him what you like about his predicament, letting him know how much you appreciate what he has done to become a better spouse, partner, friend and lover. Let him know how he’s being chaste turns you on if seeing him struggle thru sexual frustration entertains you let him know. Maybe it is his not being able to even touch himself, whatever it is communicate it. Communicate often, it is understandable that there may be days that you want to ignore his situation, it is alright to not care that he is no longer in control of his manhood and you can let him know that you don’t but you should not let it go more than a couple of days without making positive comments, too much negative discussion will push him away from wanting to continue. Physical stimulation is also important, nipple play, finding erogenous zones, caressing the exposed areas, if any, of his genitalia will heighten is excitement; again something that should be done regularly.

As the endeavor into chastity continues you will be able to add ideas and musings to your relationship that you find works well. Remembering the basic principles of how to initiate and keep your male in your control will let you, and him, discover its amazing rewards. Always maintain the upper hand, do those things to show both you and him that your requests are nothing less than a requirement for him. Remember that his chaste state doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! Make sure he brings you to orgasm at least 5 times per week! Never wanting to revert to his self “lack of” control again, believe me, the routine works and you’ll never have a regret. After a bit you will find that your hubby is willing to do absolutely anything for you as long as you hold the key to his orgasms!

Finally, remember that men are VERY focused on their sexual relief and may say anything in order to convince you to allow the release. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS – your strength here will ensure both of you enjoy a long and happy marriage.

Note: I have been asked by many of the ladies here which device I recommend to ensure he remains completely chaste. We use two steel devices, one from Steelworxx ( ) (which we ordered with the integrated lock) is about the most escape-proof device you can get for an unpierced male, the other is a high-security device from Ms. Lori ( ) which requires a PA Piercing in the males penis but is absolutely foolproof and Patrick tells me it is much more comfortable. There is a good article on Ms. Lori’s page about getting your male pierced and we highly recommend it. Finally, when Patrick has to travel, I lock him in his CB-3000 plastic device with a brass padlock and a tamper-proof lock. I made it clear to him that while I am sure this plastic device could be broken or cut off if I were ever to see that he had done that then I could only assume that he was cheating on me and it would be the end of our marriage. Needless to say, he has never tampered with the device.

Mistress is waiting for you near ?


Let me try to answer the most common questions first:


  1. Do I really need to limit him to only 5 orgasms per year? No, of course, you don’t! What works for me doesn’t have to be the same for everyone. I talked to all of my girlfriends who keep their husbands in chastity, and each one was different. My friend Karen lets her hubby orgasm every month (if he’s good) and the other extreme is my friend (we’ll call her Ms. X) whose husband only gets 1 orgasm per year on his birthday!

The only important thing here is control. No matter what frequency you decide is right for your hubby, the key is that it must ALWAYS be your decision and you must be the one in control. i.e. NEVER EVER EVER remove his chastity device unless he is physically restrained. Even though my Patrick only gets to orgasm 5 times per year, every week I tightly restrain his hands and remove his chastity device for cleaning – it goes without saying that if I allowed him to touch his penis he would definitely try to bring himself to orgasm – trust me – this will never be allowed!

  1. Weren’t you embarrassed to tell your friends and your OB/GYN that your husband is in chastity? Nope! Well, the first person I told, my friend Karen, would tell you that before I told her we split a big bottle of champagne (to get my nerve up) but after she was so supportive and interested (remember she then decided to keep her husband in chastity too!) it became easier. Now my doctor and I joke about poor Patrick’s “condition” and Karen and Ms. X have even changed my hubby’s diapers! Of course there is no reason you would ever HAVE to tell anyone about your husband’s chastity (except your doctor), trust me when I tell you that seeing him squirm under the leering eyes of your friends is worth every second, and believe it or not, I think he really likes them to know!


  1. Don’t you miss the feeling of his penis inside you during intercourse? Not a bit! Do you want to know why? I have it all the time! That’s right. I purchased a kit that allows you to make an exact silicone replica of your husband’s hard penis that then dries into a dildo. Every time we have sex I tell Patrick to go “put on your penis” and once he puts the harness on I can not tell one bit of difference – except of course for the best part – ITS ALWAYS HARD AND READY TO PLEASE ME! That way though, on the occasions when we do have intercourse for real, it still feels great!


  1. I love the idea of keeping my husband in chastity but do I really need to make him wear my bra? What you do is up to you, for my friends and I, we found that making our husbands wear feminine underwear, paint their toenails or wear diapers helps to reinforce their submissive behavior and makes them nicer to be around. It also makes me smile whenever I think of it! Of course, sometimes it’s not appropriate, for instance, Karen’s husband wears a suit and tie to the office, so a bra or a diaper would be too obvious, but his pantyhose and painted toenails are fine…

Last Updated on 2 years by pseudonymous