German extreme tit torturer

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So I have done a TON of breast and nipple torture on myself. As far as hammering a sewing needle into my breast and putting straight pins in my nipples. Lately I’ve been fascinated with the skewered tit porn with the long skewers going through the tit completely. I even bought what I would need but I keep chickening out when I think I want to try. Maybe it’s something I wouldn’t be able to do to myself and would need a partner for? Maybe it’s meant to remain a fantasy? Like I really really want it but just can’t seem to do it. Any advice?