Creating your first BDSM scene (a guide)

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Constructing the first scene

Written as a Dom/femsub but can surely fit Domme/malesub


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There are as many ways to construct a BDSM session as there are people the scene. This article intends to provide one example and along with the thinking and intent that goes behind it so that you can construct your own.

A good Dom is part magician, part dreamer, and part psychologist. He knows the first scene is an important opportunity for imprinting his submissive and beginning the process of possession. For this reason, he carefully constructs rituals which will help his submissive relax and shed her external self along with its attendant anxieties and concerns, freeing her to truly enjoy the sexual being that she is.

The Dom selects an incense which he feels expresses the unique qualities of his relationship with the submissive. It is one that feels right to him on every level. This incense will provide a scent based trigger to help both parties transition from their normal ego state. He also selects a suitable candle – one that burns as long as the scene continues, providing a soft light as well as an element of spiritual protection.

He then finds the room in which he will spin his web – a master bedroom is often ideal since it provides access to a bathroom and shower which allows him to keep his submissive captive in a well-confined space. This helps keep her from becoming too independent or shifting back into her daily ego state.

He will prepare the play room in advance by removing as much clutter as possible, perhaps hanging and arranging the tools of his trade – openly displaying those which will cultivate just the right edge of nervousness in the submissive and Hiding those little nasty little surprises he has planned for her.

Part of his personal ritual and protocol involves the creation of the altar upon which he carefully places the objects he has chosen for his ritual. Laying out of the candle holder, incense or oil burner, and the collar with its lock and key. Music can be a strong trigger too but it and the other triggering devices should be reserved for scening otherwise they can lose their potency. Some music can assist a sub into subspace during rhythmic activities such as flogging or fucking.

If the submissive is inexperienced it is best to treat her like a shy colt being broken in. No matter how brash, bold, or confident she is in her day to day ego state, that is not who you will be claiming. Her submissive is a completely different personality and one that needs help finding her way out of the cares and worries and shoulds which rule her.

One way to do that is to exert control little by little sort of like boiling a frog one degree at a time.

By the time they begin their first scene, the Dom and the submissive have had several chats about her limits, safe words, health and safety issues as well as their fantasies. The Dom knows about her childhood traumas and what medications she is on. All the more mundane considerations have already been taken care of so that he knows what he needs to in order to help her make the transition.

He also prepares adequate nutrition in the form of light, easy to digest snacks, and has a supply of water with electrolytes handy. Protein drinks or bars are helpful to since you will be burning through your neurotransmitters. This is probably more important for later scenes but the specific foods can become cues and also so that he gets into the habit of keeping them both hydrated and preventing low blood sugar.

The submissive has been instructed as to how to dress – arriving in the normal clothing which is part of her day to day ego. She has two bags, one of which contains the clothes she will wear to leave and another which contains the items she has been instructed to bring with her. Stockings, garter belt, mini skirt, heels, and other lingerie items that are to the taste of the Dom.

The play session

The Dom doesn’t ask her to do anything too risky because the inexperienced submissive is already going to be very nervous and anxious. So he makes her arrival as a matter of fact and comfortable as possible. Perhaps they have a glass of wine and listen to music and keep things light-hearted. The Dom explains that she will be relinquishing control for however long he plans the first scene to last.

He has prepared the guest bedroom and/or bathroom for her and she is instructed to go there and shower, and dress in the clothing he has requested. She may feel awkward at first dressing this way – it has been forbidden and she has been taught things about her body that may have caused her to feel ashamed of it.

At this point, she may look like a million dollars to you, but inside she will be finding fault with herself. It is rare for a woman to truly feel sexy until a man has shown her the glory that is her body. No matter what her body looks like on the outside, inside there is a very sexy woman dying to be noticed and come out to play with you. This is a gift the Dom will give her in return for possession.

He awaits her in the playroom, shutting the door or curtain on the rest of the house after she enters. He takes her to the altar and requests that she kneels. He asks her if she is willing to wear his collar and entrust her life to him for the time agreed upon.

She bows her head and gives her consent. He places the collar around her neck and locks it. He places the key on a chain around his neck so that it is safe at hand. He may tell her his name for her, or ask her if she knows the name of her submissive self. He may even request that the main personality leaves for now so that he can better get to know the submissive. At this point the Dom no longer asks her to do things – his language changes now that she has given his consent.

His first action is to place a blindfold securely over her eyes and guides her to a standing position.

He will also issue his standing instructions – Don’t go anywhere or do anything without his permission, She must tell him when she needs to go to the bathroom, or if she needs food or water or if she doesn’t understand an instruction. The goal of these instructions is to relieve her of the need to think, plan or act independently. He has already taken power from her by blindfolding her and this makes it much easier for the submissive to come out.

He begins undressing her in a leisurely way – his manner and words letting her know what he is enjoying and appreciating her. (but not in a false manner) Tension will build – especially since she has seen some of his toys. She may be fearful that she will be unable to take what he has in mind for her. He reassures her that she cannot fail to please him and has only to do as he says.

In a voice that is assertive but not harsh or loud, he tells her to stand legs slightly apart and place her hands behind her head. He adjusts her arms or upper noting which placement bests displays her breasts, enjoying his control.

At some point someone in her might dare to denigrate her body or self, the Dom will squash such foolishness – he may challenge her by saying does she know his tastes better than him, or tell her that he wasn’t asking for her opinion.

The submissive’s motivation is to please, so words and actions which let her know that she is pleasing to him will help her gain confidence and she will start to come out for the attention she is so hungry for. He may continue treating her like a doll that he is enjoying positioning for a while. By increasing the vulnerability of the positions he inches her into subspace – she stops thinking as an independent being and becomes totally focused on his words and obey.

Meanwhile, he is getting an understanding of her body mechanics, how far can she bend over, what strains are there, how wide can she spread her legs. He learns her body language, what excites her, what embarrasses her. (Dom’s have to multitask – his first priority is to enjoy and please himself because in doing that he will excite the sub)

He may choose an occasional pose and ask her to memorize it so that she can assume it upon command. (and he will remember the details of it himself or take cliff notes!)

Throughout their interactions, he will plant programs that will help the submissive know herself. Surprisingly she may not be aware of many things which are obvious to the dominant. At first, the dominant’s attention may be too focused on the submissive for him to notice the changes that come over him as his dominant personality comes forward. You can be assured that your dominant self will shove you out of the way very firmly once he gets a taste of the submissive.

The submissive will know and respond to the unique dominant ego state so he should take care not to do things which would trigger him into his daily ego since this could cause her to panic or feel abandoned.

Once the submissive is fully present the Dom can safely get a bit rougher in his manner or voice. Showing his steel is mandatory anytime she challenges him, it will help her feel safer in relaxing her defenses and giving in to the experiences.

For inexperienced players, it’s best to avoid a lot of equipment or bondages which require a lot of focus from the new dominant. They tend to pull you out of the ego state and become distracting. As you practice skills you will be able to do things automatically like you ride a bike.

There will be plenty of time for these things later, the first scene is designed to help you learn to shift ego states and provide you with a path back to the delicious state you have created in the first scene. Simple can still be mind-blowingly out of the world.

Much of the excitement comes from the mind games – That is where the magician in the dominant comes out – creating illusions. She is not allowed to remove the blindfold for quite some time. The dominant escort her to the bathroom and assists her there – another strong power play as is feeding her. He essentially controls her world.

When she is in that space you can easily do things that normally would not work. You’d be amazed at how much pain she can take. If you are going to leave her unoccupied for any length of time for your preparations etc, it is best to “park” her. This will be vulnerable but easy on the body bondage position. Probably something to save for a later scene.

You may find yourself with a pain slut on your hands once the submissive has come out. But it’s best to be prepared for a long slow journey in your early experiences.

The key to pain play is like the boiling frog – inching in. For example, you might start off with a spanking some sharp slaps moving it around until the cheeks are flushed and blood flowing. As you increase intensity the body will produce more endorphins to allow the sub to take more pain. The Dom may find himself with a submissive who has gone so deeply into space that they could take almost anything he could dish out. So he will have to be careful not to do any damage.

He may switch to a different kind of sensation or different part of the body. A sub can actually seem to have passed out and become unresponsive. It’s very important for a dom to stay connected with the sub when they are that deep. He can give her a little food and water when he needs her to become a little more grounded. Once a sub is fully present he can provide her with opportunities to serve him such as giving him a massage or blow job or whatever. The Dom will usually communicate with the sub so that she knows what is happening or going to happen when changing activities. For example, during a flogging, he may caress her with the implement letting her know what is coming before he actually uses it.

He can also talk about more severe things he’d like to do to her – maybe he’ll do this or maybe he’ll do that but keeping her mind very firmly with him and exciting her at the same time.

You don’t really want to plan the thing to death or script it because you want there to be room for spontaneous play but you also don’t want to be scrambling around trying to find the rope or whatever when you want to do something. Having the starting point well defined the first time will give you confidence. Scenes tend to take on a life of their own.

So the outline of this scene might be the taking and using of the submissive’s control – allowing time for the ego to shift and getting to know the alters. Followed by some pain play – a spanking, a bit of nipple torture or whatever is within her limits. Things will tend to build up and you may then want the tie her up and fuck her til you both shatter world records. And then chain her to the bed and feed her and tell her how totally wonderful she is. Then in the morning, you have aftercare.


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Warning if it’s good no sub will ever want to leave and it will never seem like enough to them. Also, there will be something of a downer in the brain chemistry department, so be prepared to help deal with that and any issues her day to day personality may have in the light of day. But don’t allow any of that to occur until you have removed her collar – then bring her into some other part of the house for coming down, eating breakfast, relaxing, music, etc and allowing yourself to become yourself again.

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