FemDoms, do these types of words turn you on?

Worthless worms, and other catchy words. FemDoms, do these types of words turn you on when subbies refer to themselves this way?
Me, it doesn’t do a damn thing for me. Why would I want someone who says/thinks that they are worthless? I am not looking for just butts to beat, looking for a life partner. And that person needs to be dominant in how he deals with things. Sure, within the dynamics in the relationship, may explore the namecalling, but not on the outset.


  • The groveling and such are not attractive to me. I like a man who is intelligent and can hold his own in a conversation or in life. For me, it means more when a strong, confident person chooses to submit to me. All the “worthless” talk is a clear indication that a particular person is not someone I would want to play with… or be friends with, either.
  • Why would someone want something that is “worthless”? My girl is my most precious asset, worth her weight in priceless gems. No way in hell would I want someone who did not feel worthy enough to be with me. If one believes they are trash, then so be it…but not near me.
  • count me into SwitchWitch, I could not have a person in my life that thought they were lowly worms or whatever.
    Anyone who meets me, knows I value, and care about my beloved hubbypet. If he was a “worthless worm” why would I bother spending time with him?
  • A lot of men who talk this way don’t actually believe it about themselves. More likely verbal humiliation is an erotic trigger for them and they’re using the words and phrases they want to hear. I don’t like it because they’re imposing their kink on me before they’ve even asked whether verbal humiliation interests me.
  • Now, this is unheard of; why oh why are you all talking like worthless people are something. You would think that this life is about the Doms, not the subs, and especially the unworthy subs. This life is about the Doms taking these worthless subs and making them something that they themselves would not even recognize; what is wrong with ya’ll…..
    Okay, that’s enough; as much as I enjoy being submissive to a Lady or Ladies there is no way i could think of myself as worthless; for if I were worthless then what would I have to offer. Massaging Lady’s feet HAS to be worth something; cleaning Her house also should have a value; even just laying on Her floor has some use [it would clean the spot where lying if nothing else} so in short [ya to late; again] I agree all people have worth; those subies like me know we are worthwhile and hope that we hold dear can be of some service to a lady who will enjoy it and expand upon those good things we do… smiles allI agree about the implication, that the domme will mold the worm into a worthy slave or some such nonsense. I’m sure learning and training are useful, but why would a domme waste her time and enormous effort in building a sterling male from a pile of, well, “worm?” Not only is it implied she’d be attracted to someone who believes himself to be unattractive, but then she’s supposed to labor over him and raise him up. I don’t see any appeal in that.

Maybe there is some anxiety or confusion that presenting oneself as worthy and self-respecting will somehow make one’s submission, later on, seem fake or suspect. I could understand that. Sometimes, submission and self-esteem seem a little contradictory – it’s something I still have to mull over once in a while (even though I know I’m not supposed to – lol).

I still remember when the doormat fallacy first became apparent to me. A domme had me write to her about what submission meant to me, and as I was writing it, the light went on: why would someone want to dominate a worm or a doormat? Boooring. The work is done before you start. There’s no challenge, no fun in it. I get that, but still, have to consider the meaning of submission. I do see though that the more I respect myself, the more I am offering to a woman when I submit, and I can see the appeal in that.

I think for me, the answer may lie in the choice of words. Someone suggested that by submission, I mean surrender. I like that. There’s more willingness implied, and no force is being applied. I see what thrills my heart, and I want to, I long to, surrender to it – to stand in awe of a woman and say, my desire for you makes me vulnerable. I open myself to you and your desires. What a great state of mind to explore and play with.

  • If someone is worthless – why do I want to waste my time on them? I’ve had a number of male submissives (and a few females too) say that they were “nothing” or “nothing special”. If I’m feeling generous with my time, I might probe… but generally my response is something more like “well, I’m only interested in spending time with those who are special, bye” I’m not interested in being someone’s shrink, nor interested in having someone else’s kink imposed on my or involve me without my consent.
  • well hears my 2 cents if u truly believe that about u self than their kind of no point of doing it i love verbal humiliation cant get enough it turns me on and my inner slut comes out and it’s like I go into overdrive but i don’t think that way about my self at all and yes i am a slave and sub i feel feel as i am providing a service to the dom and if u really were useless i bet u would probably not b the doms attention he or she would pick a better candidate to play with and as long as her attention is on u and she is getting what she or he needs out of u than u cant b as useless as u may think
  • So I should stopping signing off my emails to dommes as “worthless worm unworthy of you”. Kidding aside, while I don’t mind humiliation to a degree in play, seemingly innocuous things, barking like a dog for instance, really bother me and have factored in the end of relationships.
  • I love talk like this, but only in the right context. I agree with what everyone is saying about not wanting someone who is worthless and literally views themselves as having nothing to offer, or has a serious lack of self esteem. However, I am very much into verbal humiliation and have been known to call submissives worthless pieces of shit not worthy of licking the bottom of my boots during a scene. Never used the word worm, though LOL.

But that’s part of the play aspect of things and doesn’t necessarily mean I think they are worth nothing across the board. In reality, I value submission/submissives very much. It’s an indication of the complete power I hold over them in that moment and how much we both get off on making that fact as humiliating as possible.

This all has a time and a place and a context. I wouldn’t call any and all submissives worthless worms, I wouldn’t go there with someone I was just casually playing with for the first few times, I wouldn’t go there early on in a relationship. And I most certainly wouldn’t go there without knowing it’s a shared interest, in any case.

Do I want random subs signing their messages to me “worthless worm”? No. Well, actually I’d probably get a kick out of it but I wouldn’t take them very seriously, either.

  • I think it is part of a broader range of play which is verbal play. Verbal play can be a means to effect D/s or emotional/mental SM. In other words, being called worthless worm might be the mental equivalent of being beaten for some people.

I think this leap or comparison to physical SM becomes more difficult when one wants to be treated as if they are worthless all the time; I think the reason for this difficulty is that most people seek a _broader_ relationship based on mutual appreciation, and a want by a potential partner to be seen as worthless conflicts with what most people want in such a relationship. Those who seek a relationship based only or mostly on SM might find value in it.

  • Ok. I think a few people are missing an important point here. BDSM is very much about taking things which would be defined as negative in the vanilla: eg Pain and humiliation and turning them into something positive. Just because a sub refers to themselves as a worm or being useless or even being a politician doesn’t always mean that they feel that way about themselves. Many times all they are trying to is take the negative power of those phrases and create something positive. Verbal humiliation can be extremely intoxicating for many subs. Not every sub wants to be thrashed until they scream in agony. Each sub has his/her way of reaching subspace.
  • It’s all in context.

I personally do use words like “useless”, “pathetic” and “worthless” when in a scene. But I use them as insults when I want to humiliate. That to me is very powerful. I might also demand my boy tell me how low and he is, again that is a very powerful image for me and my boy.

What I DON’T want is him coming up with words like that without my provocation. A subbie that acts/thinks he is worthless is not my sort of thing. But calling a subbie who is very special and dear to me by these words is a power trip.

Its all act though, my boy knows that I care for him, that I think a lot about him. These are just words used to keep him in his place when I am angry!

  • Over the past 15 years, I have interviewed over 11,000 Women (For different News Papers and Magazines)that related to being Dominant in the lifestyle we are talking about here.

Everyone of them has said flat out they can not stand the males that come into a group or chat room saying they are worthless, this, lower than dirt, that whining, begging, etc.

Why would a woman want any human that even though those things much less spew it out thinking that every Dominant Woman will rush to chat with them because they say it.

Sad though it happens, just log onto any FemDom site/group and you will read the same words over and over being spewed out in every post from a sub male. Then they wonder why no Mistress will reply. They will even voice the fact there must not be any real Mistresses in this group.

There is so much more to it than what she wears and how she talks.

  • I don’t like terms like “worthless” either. Humiliation is one thing, but if I take someone as a sub, they should be the opposite. My sub, for example, is very strong outside of what we do together. I can humiliate and otherwise torture him because I know that he can bounce back. He has his own life, and he knows (I hope) that he’s not worthless. He’s a truly remarkable person who is singularly strong and admirable, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s not as satisfying to my sadist side to kick someone that’s already down, and it seems wrong to my more humanitarian side anyway.
  • I’m inclined to agree with many of the Dominas here… Subs who approach me with “I’m unworthy” tend to be very demanding and often real do-me subs. The humiliation thing doesn’t really do it for me anyway.

While the verbal stuff can be an exquisite turn on in the right context, and I particularly love my slut describing how he’s submitting to me while he’s serving me sexually, his submission is precious and I value it highly.

Last Updated on 8 months by pseudonymous