Rituals are formalized series of words and actions that reinforce ideas or beliefs. Over time, we’ve found that rituals incorporated into our daily life remind us why we are together and revalidate the choices we’ve made to be master and slave. From the simple to the elaborate, rituals lift us out of the mundane, to the spiritual plane, and reconnect us with the intrinsic beauty and power of D/s.
These moments out of the ordinary create islands of time and space that allows us to refocus on the dominance and submission that defines our relationship. They are refreshing pauses that allow for reflection, give time for making conscious acts of submission or dominance, and to recommit. Rituals are also times of stress relief. By setting aside thoughts and concerns to focus on the ritual, you let go of the accompanying stress. For myself, each ritual makes me leave behind whatever I’m doing and totally focus on my reason to be — serving Master.
As you decide what rituals would work for you, keep in mind that every ritual should have a purpose. A few examples include: enhancing a dominant’s control, keeping a submissive focused on their service, punishing negative behaviors, showing forgiveness or expressing contrition.
Rituals are made more significant by creating a special atmosphere. Lighting a candle, playing favorite music, or using an item such as a collar, leash or cuffs, can give more meaning to the moment.
As you plan a ritual, give it a clear beginning and end. And don’t bog yourself down in too many steps or words – keep it simple! Evaluate afterward to see what worked and what didn’t. We’ve often found our rituals developed organically. Some became more elaborate as their purpose grew more significant and some we eliminated as their meaning was no longer important.
The right focus during a ritual makes the overall experience more meaningful. Take a few cleansing breaths first, let out your stress, put aside distractions and remind yourself why you are doing this. Adopt a physical posture to further connect with the ritual’s purpose and enhance the appropriate mindset. A submissive might bow their head or kneel, a dominant stand over the submissive, placing a hand on their shoulder or pulling on the submissive’s collar. This way movement and position take on greater significance.
Here are some of our rituals:
Hanging on our refrigerator is a dry erase board. Besides, the shopping lists and errands needing to be run is a box with my name. When I’ve broken a rule or done something that really displeases Master, he puts hash marks there to signify how many swats I’ll receive as punishment.
It’s not often I do something that Master feels needs corporal punishment. Usually, a talk or lecture to correct the problem is all it takes. Knowing I’ve upset him is usually punishment enough. For me, the dismay of seeing him write those marks and waiting for formal punishment is a very sobering experience.
When we are together again after the workday, I kneel before Master’s “throne” (an oversized, overstuffed recliner) and wait for him to sit. After he does, I prostrate myself, lying flat on the floor, with my face against the rug and my wrists crossed over my head. I stay there, letting go of everything and focusing on him, until he says, “Rise and serve me well.”
This ritual started with me simply kneeling at his feet. But Master enjoyed it so much, he decided on a much more submissive posture. Assuming this position takes me right out of my work-a-day role and puts me back where I belong – literally at Master’s feet as his slave. Master takes great comfort then, gazing down at me, letting go of his accumulated stress and refocusing on his mastery.
Lamps & Candles
In our living room, we keep a small electric candle lit twenty-four hours a day. The light visibly reminds us that the dominance and submission flowing between us never ends. Despite the stress, struggles or problems, we never turn off the candle or the power exchange.
In a corner of our bedroom, an ivory pillar candle sits on a wrought iron stand. That candle is lit whenever we scene, make love and retire for the night. The candle represents the love that encompasses us and the burning dominance and submission that envelopes us. The glow symbolizes our commitment to keeping D/s first in our relationship and reminds us of the haven and sacred place our bedroom has become.
When I return home, I am required to change out of my street clothes and don my slave garb and leather collar. (Slave garb is a comfy, easily removed dress or cover-up, worn without underwear.) The act of taking off the vanilla clothes and attiring myself as Master prefers reminds me that my appearance and my body are at his disposal.
When we sit down to dinner, Master reaches across the table and takes both my hands in his. We sit for a minute in silence, reconnecting and enjoying the warmth and feel of each other. Master will speak of the day, of good things that happened or problems overcome. He ends the moment by saying “For ourselves, for our family, forever.”
Experiment by adding a simple ritual to your daily routine. You may find it strengthens the bond between you and helps keep dominance and submission center stage in your life.
From the archive of http:www.asubbmissivesjourney.com