Do you use orgasm control in your relationship with your sub or slave?

For the Dominant Ladies

Do you use orgasm control in your relationship with your sub or slave? If you do, how and why do you do it? If you don’t, also please tell me why you don’t.

For the subs and slaves

Does your Dominant use orgasm control on you? If so, how do you think it affects your service?


  • I most certainly do. My whore is currently on contract out in Alberta and we’ve been apart off and on since January (he comes home the odd weekend). While he’s out there he is to wear his chastity device until I tell him to take it off. Mind you, taking it off does not guarantee that he’ll get release; sometimes I’m just a softee and let him take it off at night so he can get a good night’s sleep. I also have him take it off if I want to have some fun with him on the webcam.

When he’s home, he is to ask to have an orgasm. Sometimes I grant him permission, sometimes I don’t. It’s all about control for me. And it’s terribly amusing 🙂

  • Speaking as someone who is currently in chastity, and as I have posted elsewhere, I personally think that losing control of one’s own orgasms is a humbling thing. I feel mostly powerless but aroused, likely more obedient and submissive (If that’s possible…).

Personally, it is really only arousing for me if the Dominant truly enjoys that power, however. I wish more Women embraced denial.

  • Nope I do not. First, I was taught a long time ago to be distrustful of submission that only comes with arousal. Denial tends to make even do me queens act submissively. It doesn’t make them submissive. It just makes them act that way… temporarily.

So to me denial would taint a good sub’s submission and disguise a bottom who claimed to be submissive. The submission I get from denial

Besides, I happen to be quite fond of my husband’s pink parts and enjoy a fuck with mutual orgasms.

I have done orgasm control – which is quite different from denial. That requires that my sub asks for permission to orgasm or to orgasm on my request. Sometimes it’s fun to require someone to masturbate at least to arousal when the hydraulics are just not feeling perky any more. I don’t understand why giving up control of one’s orgasms has to require denial.

Funny story about orgasm control. My husband was going on a trip to visit his family and we were talking about when and how he could masturbate while away. I allocated a fairly liberal but very specific number and times of day for orgasms. He wanted one “free” one for emergencies. I asked “And what, pray tell is an orgasm emergency?” “Well,” he said, “what if I really can’t fall asleep and I don’t want to call and ask for special permission and possibly wake you up.”

I was unswayed. So he got to begging. “I promise, I’ll be extra special good about it. I’ll email you the moment I’ve done it.” etc. And then he must have realized he sounded like a kid asking for a puppy because he finally said “I promise I’ll take good care of it and take it for walks and everything.” Which so cracked me up, I awarded him 2 free orgasms just for making me laugh so much.

  • I enjoy both orgasm control and denial – because I like doing it!

From a control perspective, I have trained my husband to orgasm on a count down. I pick a number, start a steady slow count and exactly when I hit zero, he has an orgasm. I’ve gotten him to orgasm from a four-count! That’s pretty fast from down to up to off!

I love denial. Keeping my sub off balance, not knowing if he’s going to finally get to orgasm and then denying him that pleasure simply for my pleasure…it’s just delicious!

The first technique helps the second…I can count him down and, knowing that he’s going to orgasm at zero, stop stimulation just after ‘2’…right at the perfect point every time! I sometimes allow him to finish, mostly so he doesn’t learn to expect and protect himself from being spun off. I keep him honest.

T&D takes time and attention to the sub. Therefore T&D, like all sub-centric activities, is limited to playtime. Those of you who have read my book already know my passion for T&D and the many ways I use it for fun – I do not deny my subs to obtain submission – I agree with Carolyn that a man who is submissive to obtain orgasm is not really being submissive…A sub who does not truly submit to serve (orgasm or not), NEVER would get the privilege of my spending so much of my effort and time as to tease and deny him.
Metal cock cage with a heart lock

  • Orgasm control is a tool I use for my pleasure. Of course, I must trust that he will be honest with me and report any infractions, but I do it mainly because it allows me to feel more of the D/s energy I enjoy. That and control is a fetish of mine.
  • Orgasm control is key for both mine and my boy’s service and pleasure – nothing like taking him to the edge and back for hours, or even days, and watching the body tremors, hearing the moans and witnessing the explosion that results.
  • There is another aspect to orgasm control that has not been touched on here. Where the sub holds back on their own accord. Before I embraced the submissive lifestyle I would do this to myself. I enjoyed the feeling of being keyed up at all time. Sometimes my partners had a difficult time with this. Women are not used to a man not finishing. I enjoyed being ready at all time for sex and by holding back i am just that. I explained this to my mistress and she has kind of made a game of it. She does everything in her power to break my will to hold back. Even though she knows all she has to do is tell me to finish and i will for her. It is a good arrangement.
  • I’ve been controlling my orgasms for years myself. It gave me good results in a lots of things too.
    Basically , the fun of obeying and honoring the miss gets lets when all the cum is out and orgasms are just gone. It gets more fun( i am sure though never had a mistress ) that if a Mistress understands this and with all humiliation, she controls orgasms not for days but sometimes for lots of months. Provide him the reason to have orgasms and just keep them rotating for months, this also makes the man excited and makes him to serve more under her knees. The love of having orgasms is awesome and controlling is a bit harsh but its worth doing if after somedays,or months.Or doing it daily i think its cool, mistress can make their Slaves work a lot .
    I also like to say not just controlling orgasms for months is a great idea but also watching the slave that he never masturbates by locking his private part so that he never touches it and it only allows him to pee without touching!

Using a HANDS OFF APPROACH as a rule by a mistress can make a slave learn alot. If he touches his dick, a mistress should be very very cruel enough so that he never does it in front of him and when he is alone his private parts should be locked and should be used by himself to just pee and shit, but she he should not touch it cause its already locked!
IT would be also great that mistress looks an eye on his slave and stop making him watch porn for years, which also can finish his addiction and only allow him to watch Fetish porn with him if she wills.
Moreover making his slave exercise is good. If she is strong enough to make him do lots of exercise on daily basis and make him have a great body this will also make him sexually strong, more thirsty, and will make him serve the mistress more.

  • Personally, I love teasing the fuck out of them. I really do. Working them into a froth, getting them teetering to the point of no return, then quickly yanking them back in and throwing ice water on it (!) is just the funniest, most humiliating thing I can do. Ever. The experiments I’ve done on little boy parts I could probably write a book about. Or at least a few good blog posts.

Now, flat out denial I’m not about to do unless he’s being punished for some utter abject stupidity. And denial makes ME very unhappy, because the grand finale is the funniest part of it all, to me. If he doesn’t get the opportunity to get off, then I FEEL frustrated. After a lifetime of restraining myself, I’m not about to do that for anyone else’s benefit ever again. Fuck that.

  • Mistress has power over me in so far as I am willing to submit to her. To give my life in service to something other than myself makes me feel content. However, my humble and personal interpretation of a true 24/7 D/s dynamic is that it needs to be real, consistent, and meaningful. For me to give up everything and serve, I need to know I cannot easily back out of it or forget my duty with impunity. I know some long time Dommes might roll their eyes and say a true slave serves with all his being unswerving with all their heart and soul with utter devotion and total selflessness. I wish that was me but I would need some help to learn to attain that zen submissive state. I am an Alpha male to a certain degree and I have found that I serve best by being strong and independent-minded at times but I love my Mistress with all my heart and so I turn to putty in her hands.

The point is here that I need a little push every now and then to remind me of my place. I am like a playful puppy or a frisky cat and I can forget myself at times and be a little willful. I am friendly and playful but I paw at the walls and I bite if you hurt me. Is just how I am wired. Enter the concept of Mistress indulging my fetishes BUT she has learned to use them against me to control me and make me fear her punishments. For us Punishments are not playtime or rewards. They are to be feared and they hurt and are not fun at all…ever… I cannot stand agonizing excruciating pain. I hate pain and I have been punished with it and I know its touch well. I like the feeling of a long light paddling but sometimes she really hits hard and fast and it is not fun for me and really hurts. I like bondage and latex a lot as well as being made to feel helpless but when she puts me in heavy latex and bondage for 5 hours with little attention, I am not having fun. I am hot, uncomfortable and bored but it reminds me of my place and the power exchange between us. I like being in chastity because it fulfills a fetish but she takes it to the next level to where I hate it sometimes. That is the key for us so far. She indulges my fantasies but does it on her own terms and so has control over me which satisfies my sexual fantasies which motivate me to be selfless and serve her with all that I am which drives her to make me happy in return. It is a self-feeding dynamic. My Mistress and I are always seeking advice and knowledge from those more experienced than ourselves so feel free to MSG us. We are well-read but have never really sat down and talked with others face to face about this stuff. We are looking to change that.

So this is my premise for how orgasm control is a useful tool in our relationship. Mistress keeps me in steel chastity 24/7. It almost never comes off unless she wants intercourse but those times are pretty rare and so it’s usually my tongue that does all the work. She reaps the orgasm and I reap the reward of pleasing her sexually. I will admit that I used to masturbate a few times a week and so my energy levels and interest waned from time to time. That has changed. I am now given just enough releases to keep me from feeling neglected but just enough that I stay on track with trying to please her with chores, love, affection, and anything else I can think of to make her happy or else I will wait a long time for that which most men (not all men….but most men) crave frequently.

Now I am usually given a special kind of orgasm in my chastity device but it’s not the kind of milking you would normally think of. If you MSG me I will describe it for you. Anyway, being in chastity keeps me very submissive. It just works for us. I appreciate her more and I appreciate her dominance more. I would appreciate it anyway but chastity heightens it so we see it as an improvement. Would I be submissive anyway ? Of course but like bondage or a light paddling, if Mistress is displeased with me she can use it against me without effort to make me suffer by making me go another week or much longer. It helps to drive my submission beyond what I would normally behave like as I need to keep her extra happy to earn my orgasms or milkings. It feeds the dynamic of our D/s relationship. I feel very controlled and she has total control. We are a couple so part of my service includes a shoulder to cry on, holding her when life is trying to crush her, and feeding her soup when she is ill on the couch with a bad cold. She is not a tower of indomitable will made of steel and gleaming thigh boots, she is a human being like me. I do understand what others are saying. I would be a better submissive and/or slave if I had the will power to abstain on my own but so far I have not found that within myself. I do not even know where to begin to be honest.

So in a nutshell, yes she uses orgasm control on me and it affects my service in that I am better behaved because my wanting to be better behaved is assisted and magnified.

  • Kinky in nh wow you are blessed to have that type of d’s releationship with your mistress. hold on with both hands and hold on it’s rare and hard to find for dommes. too many men say that they are submissive but are not. I enojoy tease and denial more that my disipline time with my slaves. I have control and enjoy it, but to have a man of my own to have a 24/7 D’s releationship is ultimate dream. I keep looking. Mistress Faye
  • Obviously, whether I orgasm or not is always up to the Person I’m serving. After the past few weeks of being in a situation where my orgasm is being controlled by another, I’ve come to some conclusions about my personal feelings, if that matters to anyone.

I prefer to be on the honor system as opposed to having a chastity device placed on me. Knowing I can physically have orgasm, yet don’t because I wasn’t given permission is a self-test of my discipline and character.

Personally, I find that the ongoing hope and anticipation of being permitted to orgasm tends to keep me more focused on what’s expected of me. In many ways, the daily promise of orgasm without it coming to fruition is more pleasurable than the eventual orgasm itself. Does that make sense?

  • Chastity and orgasm control has been a part of every D/s relationship that I have been in. Losing control of one’s ability to orgasm is a constant reminder that a submissive’s goal should always be to please his Mistress. Orgasms are usually given as reward for exceptional service, not routine service.
  • I don’t use orgasm control with my Chael, no. I like to have him orgasm, with or without me, so I’ve no desire to limit it. Also, in bed he is by nature very giving and often our sex has nothing to do with him having an orgasm, by his choice/comfort. Basically, I like him being sexual and I like our sex as is, so I’ve no reason to change it at all at this point.

With other subs/slaves, yes, I have and will again. Either by chastity or simply dictating when they may orgasm. I like to control the sexual side of other males, so I enjoy telling them specifically to not or to orgasm at certain times.