I believe it is not only about dominance, not only about pleasure, but it is also where females should be, and males too, serving, pleasing, satisfying, comforting, the superior sex, in some funny way I feel it will be spread to all aspects of life for men just to survive.
But the serious part, do you think that female is really higher sex than males, how do you define it, are you satisfied with the idea? share me your valuable thoughts 🙂
- I think women are superior sexually, in general, and their sexuality confers on them some distinct advantages in relationships with me. I can never get my head around it because it seems hugely unfair, but it’s just how things are to me. The way I see it, women have a distinct sexual advantage. There is also the fact that women, as well as children and most men, deserve respect and courtesy just because they’re people.
I want to think of individual women as superior to me, but they have to be willing to accept that role, or it doesn’t work. I treat most women as equals because they’re a colleague, a friend, an employee, a stranger, a fellow human being, but honestly, I can’t see them as superior.
Female supremacy is a fantasy I enjoy, but in real life, it can’t work. Most women wouldn’t understand being treated as superior, any more than I would if a submissive woman for some reason believed in male supremacy (LOL). It’s too individual to be applied to everyone.
- “…women have a distinct sexual advantage…”
I am sure I have seen you express this sentiment before, and I do apologize if you have explained it previously, but what do you mean by it? I know you always have well thought out views, so am interested in understanding it a little better.
- No, I don’t believe women are superior. Even in a relationship with my submissive, I am not superior to him, he is my equal and he hands over control willingly to me. If he chooses to believe I am superior, he is free to do so, but I don’t buy into it. And putting all women above all men makes as much sense to me as the reverse.
- I believe that women are superior to men. I think part of why I feel that way has been suggested in this thread. How should I word this not to offend anyone? Most men have a one track mind and that is to ejaculate. Men are visual creatures and it usually doesn’t take a lot of stimulus to make any male have an orgasm. A simple picture in a magazine can do it. A lot times once and he’s done. Because of this the female is many times left unfulfilled especially if she can have multi-orgasms. So to have a woman control my lust and orgasms until I fully pleasure her is fantastic. I think a male is subservient to a dominant female and I know I’m more content if my body belongs to her. From a scientific standpoint women are evolutionary more superior or advanced than men. Remember that the more specialized an organism becomes the more advanced it is. For example from biology class in school the four chambered heart of the mammals over the three chambered heart of the frog. A woman has two distinct orifices. She has one for reproduction and one for urination. The man only has one orifice for both. Hence the female is more specialized there could be considered more superior on the evolutionary totem pole so to speak. But I think women are just superior because they are so lovely and should be worshipped like a Goddess. I know I’m most content when I’m a slave to one.
- I don’t believe in any sort of gender superiority. I am sure it makes for a nice bdsm fantasy but in reality it just isn’t true. Saying someone is better because of gender is, in my opinion, no different than saying someone is better because they are black or white, or because they have blond hair or black hair. If you want to get into gender superiority then how exactly do you take into consideration the genderqueer? As a female domme I would not want to be in any sort of relationship with someone I thought was inferior to me. I also don’t see slaves or subs as inferior. They are equal partners in relationships. It wouldn’t do me any good to be a domme without slaves to dominate. It’s just one more example of yin/yang.
And to all of the sub/slave guys who talk so much about females being great an superior: What exactly have you done to help womankind? Have you been a positive role model for little girls? Have you donated time to any womens causes? Have you helped out homeless women or drug addicted women get back on their feet? If you truly believe what you are saying then I imagine you would have done a lot to support women other than worshiping in the privacy of your home or talking about their superiority online.
- I do not believe in gender superiority.
I think there are two concepts relevant to this discussion: female supremacy and female superiority.
By female supremacy I mean a situation where women are granted a greater social status. By female superiority I mean that women are thought to be inherently superior.
I think female supremacy is a fun concept in the context of BDSM–I have enjoyed femdom parties and events that had this theme. However, even there exists reality. I have come to see that I might not be comfortable with granting power or obedience to every woman who is at such a gathering beyond polite deference.
Thus, I appreciate female supremacy at some level within kink but subscribe most to the concept of dominant supremacy: I like to give the person or persons to whom I wish to submit a greater status in various ways.
Often female supremacy and female superiority are used interchangeably, likely because the basis or justification for the supremacy is thought to be superiority, a point on which I will comment further in a subsequent post.
- The concept of gender superiority appeals to me neither empirically nor intuitively. My intuition and observation support the notion that diversity brings greatest synergy. All other things equal, I think a group of men and women would deliver more synergy over a group of men only or a group of women only.
I am open to the idea of an intelligent discussion about gender superiority but I am yet to see one provide a well reasoned discussion making a case for it. Whenever I encounter a discussion about gender superiority, a natural question to ask is what is the metric for determining superiority. For instance, weewee argues that women are superior from an evolutionary point of view because a woman has a different orifice for urination and reproduction, which is not a compelling argument or metric even if his statement was anatomically accurate.
I can somewhat understand why some who believe in female superiority might do so. I think BDSM fantasies or play carry more power if there is an element of realism in there. For instance, before I found BDSM, fantasies about somehow being coerced by the mean girl in class were more powerful than one about a sorceress. For my fantasies to seem real, there were two questions to be answered: (1) why would I allow someone to treat me this way, and (2) why would someone treat me in a manner that society forbids?
I think this want for realism or explanation leads some people to develop constructs to justify their submission. Because male submission contradicts most with what society teaches us, I think this tendency for constructs is greatest in the Fm realm. Thus we see fantasies about giantesses, amazons, martial arts, guns, and blackmail more commonly in the Fm arena than we do in the Mf arena.
I think for some people the concept of female superiority serves as such a construct; a given man should submit to women because they are superior and it is natural for him to submit to acknowledge their superiority; a given woman should treat this man as a lesser being because he is a lesser being before her, and her dominance and SM will flow more readily if she looks down upon him.
On a separate note, I will add that I think we are headed towards times when women as a whole will assume a more prominent and powerful position in society in comparison to men.
- To add my two cents to the question you posed to Tiger, I think women do enjoy an advantage socially. I think that those women are sought by men–however much of that is due to culture and however much due to biology–gives women power. All other things equal, it is easier for a woman to seduce or secure the interest of a man than the other way around. There is power in being desired more than one desires another, and I think in general this power is available more to women than to men.
Also, the issue of having to deal with unwanted advances aside and all other things equal (social traits), it is easier for a single woman to find social acceptance (amongst men, women, and couples) at a gathering of strangers (a BDSM munch) than it is for a man.
Within vanilla relationships, I see more couples where the dominant partner is a woman. I think all other things equal, times are starting to lean in favor of tilting the power in favor of women. I think the reason is that prominent sources of power for men in times past, physical power and financial power, are diminishing whereas what brings power to women (sexual power and the ability to influence or coerce outside brute strength) still holds. Furthermore, financial power of women has grown and make exceed that of men given current trends for seeking education.
- what I mean about sexual advantage is pretty well summed up in first paragraph above: women have what I need, emotionally, sexually, energetically – I dunno – biologically, spiritually, and I FEEL like I need that more than they need whatever I have to offer. I restrict this statement to myself. It’s partly a self-esteem thing. I just never got much of it, and while I know women generally like me, if you don’t have a lot of self-esteem, you don’t come across very well.
Confidence in appropriate amounts is very attractive, to either sex. So, from a personal standpoint, it’s natural for me to see a woman I’m drawn to as having an advantage over me, and my response is to feel very submissive.
“Man is the one who desires, woman the one who is desired. This is a woman’s entire but decisive advantage. Through man’s passions, nature has given man into woman’s hands, and the woman who does not know how to make him her subject, her slave, her toy, and how to betray him with a smile in the end is not wise.”
- Your viewpoint is worthy of thought and praise, you have shown intelligence, sensitivity and compassion. You are a thoughtful person.
However, in one sentence you said this…
“All other things equal, it is easier for a woman to seduce or secure the interest of a man than the other way around.”
This is not a true statement, all other things are NOT equal and these are the things that contribute to gender stereotypes.
You are presuming that both genders seek the same thing.. .perhaps, but the reason for seeking it is completely different in today’s society than it was when seduce or secure was all we needed back there in them olden days grins and because we do have well established mental and physical gender differences those reasons in this link of the evolutions chain are very divurgent!
It SEEMS to me, (and it’s pure contemplating my navel speculation on Boxing Day lazy day) that…
Woman are seeking love and longevity sexually… we are seeking the freedom to express ourselves as ourselves openly. Something we actually never HAVE been able to due to the need to survive when we were lower on the evolution scale.
Men are seeking sexual quantity in the dominant position and complete lack of control sexually in a submissive one in a BDSM context from what I can see. In an overall context they are seeking a cause to become empowered by aligning with the winning side!
Most men and some women think in terms of power in groups, as the largest number who agree with them is the more powerful.
Most woemn and some men think of it in terms of empowering THEMSELVES so we can all be who we are inside comfortably.
And that is just my skewed Boxing Day navel contemplation of the day!
laughing at myself here
Oh but I am saying all this to you as your equal because I think your worthy of that status. warm smile
All other things being equal is a fantasy but it is irrelevant because they are not equal.
To treat everyone as equally as possible, that is for me the only ethical way to treat my fellow humans.
I too would ONLY choose a partner I considered my equal over all, the role we choose to express in our relationship does not dictate overall equality….
But perhaps you cannot know that until you have experienced being accepted as inferior…
- Speaking from the perspective of a Woman who takes on the Dominant role in my lifestyle, I am superior to the men in my life.
I am not superior to all men. I do believe that women who want it can have and use sex to their advantage in making a man their submissive. Considering that we are all human individuals, there can’t be any hard and fast rules that would define one or another without examining the individuals involved.
There may be social and or peer group standards that we choose to live by.
Woman can be superior but by nature of being a woman they are not automatic superior to men
in my opinion
- I find it strange that a great deal of this discussion has been about how women gain power over men through sexuality. It seems to be a given that the main way a woman accesses power is if she caters to the stereotypes of beauty and youth so desired by mass media. If she were to grow old, become disfigured or not seek to ‘tease’ men with the promise of her charms, it is almost insinuated that she would not have any power to control men. This mindset seems to propagate the idea that women have no power inherent in themselves but rather only have the power that is conveyed to them by men by being the objects of their desire.
- You said, “And to all of the sub/slave guys who talk so much about females being great a superior: What exactly have you done to help womankind? Have you been a positive role model for little girls? Have you donated time to any women’s causes?” I usually do not respond to a Domme in this manner and I do not care for drama in threads but you asked and seemed to think that most of us were all talk and no action. So let me enlighten you about the other this little subbie. I have a counterbalance side that is ruthless. I have given time, money, clothes, and food to Good Sanitarian Home and several other abused women shelters. If you want to see the dark evil come out of me abuse a woman (in anger hatred) in front of me. My wife and I extracted three women who were being beaten and brought them to our house for safety. During one of those, the asshole returned home while I was moving her out and pulled a gun. That drunken fucker almost died that night and I probably should have killed him anyway. Another time the guy across the street slammed his wife up against the car and slapped her because the daughter had gotten something on her white Easter Sunday dress. I started walking across and had full intention of seeing how damn much dirt I could put on that assholes suit but he jumped in the car and sped away. They lived there several more years and he never did touch her again in front of me. Another time I was out at night driving and came upon a man with his hands around the throat of a naked woman lying under him. The next thing he heard was a 38 being cocked at the back of his head. When he released his grip she gasped. If she hadn’t I would have shot him right then and there. I waited with her until the police and ambulance arrived. Then there was the 16-year-old running screaming down the street being chased by some boy wheedling a big wrench. He struck her and she went down. I ran out covered with my body and again stuck a 38 in his face and begged him to hit me but the chicken ran away. I again waited with her until the police and ambulance arrived. I turn she had broken up with the nut because he had hit her. I identified him in court. I don’t care if you believe me or not but if you want to see the evil side of this sub just abuse a woman in my presence. And furthermore is you wish to commit suicide by proxy abuse a child in my presence. So I am more than just talking about wishing to treat a woman like a Goddess because that’s how I see them.
- I certainly see your point, but maybe I can clarify what I meant, at least. I don’t think sexuality is defined by age. It certainly varies with age, but just because a woman gets older doesn’t mean she has to lose her sexual appeal. Why wouldn’t the same be true for a man? Sexuality and sexual energy are things we can manifest all our lives. Sex doesn’t just mean that involving naked bodies and penetration. It goes much farther. It’s in the heart and the brain too. I hope I never lose all of those, even as my body gets older, and I’d keep looking to women, young or old, who feel the same way.
I’m a sexual being and make no apologies for that anymore, to anyone. That’s how most of us are put together, so a few things come with that territory, like physical attraction. But that’s far from all there is. I mean, for one obvious thing, women can embody nurturing energy at any age – it may increase with age – that will always attract me. I can feel validated as a male by a woman of any age. Those things won’t change until I’m in the ground. The energy, the spark, whatever you want to call it, don’t depend on age. I think I’ll always be hungry for those things. I hope so. I hope I’m flirting with submission when I’m 80 if I live that long, and maybe it’ll be with a woman who’s 85 – who knows.
- you wrote It is also interesting to notice that the power that is ascribed to men seems to come from their simply being men. As a man it is assumed he has power over himself, his sexuality, and his life.
For the life of me, it’s a mystery. I don’t know what men have to have to be powerful, to women or to society. I don’t know why women are interested in men, either. Can you explain that to me in terms that are devoid of ‘sexism?’ What’s “a man” to you, at an intimate level, not a societal one?
Part of anyone’s power just comes from how other people see them. There’s charismatic power, financial power, intellectual power, physical power, political power, etc. And then there’s how we see ourselves; how powerful we think we are. If you believe yourself to be powerful, you’re much more likely to be seen as powerful by others.
Our society is biased toward seeing men as powerful, compared with women. But in my head, women are very powerful. I don’t have to explain or justify that to satisfy anyone else’s standards, or to meet their definition of sexist or non-sexist. I am how I am as a human being. To me, personally, some women are very powerful.
That has NOTHING to do with the respect I accord other people as human beings, women, men, or children. But that’s not why I’m on FetLife. I’m here because to me, in my brain, my psyche, my heart, my life experience, some women are powerful and have certain advantages over me, biological, psychic, emotional…
Not over other men or women; just me. They’re not better or worse as human beings, but in the mysterious realm of sexual and erotic energy, certain women are very important and have various types of power that I do not, and therefore I seem to need them to have those powers – I ask them to have them, at least for a while.
This is an entirely personal POV. I don’t care how anyone else sees it. It’s not relevant to my experience. They have their own stuff to deal with. I don’t care if women are really superior or not. I suspect it all averages out in the end.
But I don’t live with dreams of averages. I live with my own dreams and want to share them with a few other people who can respect them and enjoy them, and I want to know and share their dreams and fantasies too. That’s enough.
- This is not a true statement, all other things are NOT equal and these are the things that contribute to gender stereotypes.
Thank you for your comments and the compliment 🙂
First, it seems that my reference to all other things being equal might not have conveyed the message I intended.
It is possible that a given man has social traits that will give him greater odds of success to attract the attention of a woman he is interested to meet in comparison to a given woman who does not have the same social finesse. When I say all other things equal, I mean that the only variable I am changing is the sex of the person approaching one of the opposite sex and, for sake of focus on the effects of this variable, I am assuming a scenario where all other things or variables (social skills, social attractiveness of the person approaching and the person approached, ratios, environment–whether it’s a bar, social party, company party) are equal. If I were to conduct an experiment and have a man and a woman approach a number of persons each of the opposite sex with the variables controlled as described above, I expect that the woman would have a greater rate of success in finding a receptive subject. It is this message I intended to convey.
You are presuming that both genders seek the same thing…
I did briefly ponder this point at the time of my last post; do women really have an advantage if one defines what a given woman seeks (there are women who seek a brief encounter) to be a long-term relationship? I still give the edge to women.
Finding a long-term partner is not easy for either sex. However, if a woman is likely to have a greater success rate of finding a receptive response upon approaching a stranger of the opposite sex in whom she has interest, these greater odds help rather than hurt her purpose whether this purpose is to seek a brief encounter or a long-term relationship.
To take a step back and put in perspective this discussion, I don’t suggest this advantage, to the extent it exists, amounts to absolute superiority or that women have everything easy. These comments came as a result of providing elaboration on one point of the discussion. In practice, I think each sex has advantages and challenges in comparison to the other with respect to different matters.
- we are seeking the freedom to express ourselves as ourselves openly. Something we actually never HAVE been able to due to the need to survive when we were lower on the evolution scale.
I am seeing you say that for most women the question of achieving power translates to self-empowerment, especially because this type of power has been lacking in times past, whereas for most men the question of achieving power translates to achieving power over others. Yes?
If you don’t mind elaborating, I would be interested to hear _your_ perspective about specific ways in which self-expression was hindered.
Men are seeking sexual quantity in the dominant position and complete lack of control sexually in a submissive one in a BDSM context from what I can see. In an overall context, they are seeking a cause to become empowered by aligning with the winning side!
I sense there are some good thoughts here but I am not sure I fully grasp them. It seems you are saying that in the BDSM context dominant men seek sexual quantity (what do you mean by sexual quantity? Multiple partners?) and submissive men seek complete lack of control sexually (that the desire to not have control is driven by sexual desire?). I am not sure what you mean by seeking a cause (is the cause of sex?) to become empowered (how so?) with the winning side (what is the winning side?). If you don’t mind elaborating, I would appreciate it.
As for equality, I do wish to be seen as an equal partner at a fundamental level. I do not see myself as inferior.
Women seek love, security, and affirmation they are worthy of it and USE sex to express and gain that because sex itself is not the goal. Sel empowerment is.
Men from a patriarchal position seek sexual satisfaction and reproduction to satisfy their base instincts,to get what they seek they offer love, security and affirmation to a woman and control her environmentally to insure their genes are passed on… They already have self empowerment now they want MORE power through others.
Woman seek self power because we already know we are the weaker physically so physical power is not possible to be superior at in general. We already know true superiority is not based in who is physically stronger, because we have been controlling men from the weaker position for generations. We already know we have the children because men don’t have the endurance for it, we already know that manipulation is our strength because we have had to use our weakness’s as strengths in the past to survive.
Men see power in terms of math, greater physical strength, larger groups are seen as more powerful, the majority wins type thing, power to them means you control others and the more you control the MORE powerful you are. A physically weak man will seek other weak men and band together to make a stronger force, a phsically weak woman finds a strong man and uses him as her protector. A physically strong man seeks other forms of power through controlling other people or groups, harems, countries and armies for example.
Now that women are becoming more socially powerful because strength is no longer of great importance… men are seeking either many “perceived” weak women or one powerful woman who has many weak men… to show their power by aligning with other perceived powers around them. They are already coming form a perceived power position and are seeking more power, women are coming from a powerless position and seeking power for themselves because they do NOT have it as of yet.
Men have historically been in control when it comes to sex, now they no longer need to be and often find it a relief to not be incontrol about sex, hence the stereotypical “once you are a married man forget about sex”, they are aroused by the very denial of sex, because it is something they see other men constantly seeking with women even if it’s only to the depth of their penis. Submissive men I feel seek more than 8 inches of depth and an orgasm when they want it. Dominant men seem to seek sex quantity and sex in the way they wish it combined WITH power over another, and they are willing to give love, security and affirmation to give it. Dominant women seek self empowerment by creating their own love, security and affirmation by controlling the sex or lack of it through a man. We no longer need to reproduce to bind a man to us, we no longer need to “put out” to snag a man.
Arrgh I am not sure I am making sense here…
Self-expression has been hindered for women by men who kept them barefoot and pregnant in exchange for love security and affirmation they were AS worthy as men. this is metaphorical and I hope you can see the tone of what I am trying to convey here.
And as Wicked says men approach the equality of the sexes from the position of just being a man because they assume they are superior because they live in a patriarchal society that has conditioned them to gender behaviors since the moment their gender is known.
A Dominant man does not necessarily want multiple partners he wants multiple sexual encounters in the way he wishes to have it, he sees himself as powerful when he can order a woman to sexually satisfy him at the drop of a hat, he feels powerful when he gets a blowjob and she gets only the satisfaction of serving her man… He gets off on that feeling of choking with his cock and though she struggles she accepts that choking without biting the flesh that is hurting her. It isn’t really about her wetness or his hard cock at the same act, its about his sexual power in it.
For those offended I am generalizing here I do not believe all dominant women/men are like this or all submissive women/men are so please don’t presume such.*
I believe that if people are treated equally they will BECOME equals, I do not believe that everyone is equal to each other automatically.
I believe that everyone should be treated as equal not that everyone is equal.