Do male subs need to be weak, sissy, pathetic morsels?

Do male subs need to be weak, sissy, pathetic morsels? I want strong powerful men to control, men who can help me get the things I want in life, not just lick my shoes.

How should a girl go about finding and dominating successful, powerful guys?


  • Male subs are not all weak, are not all sissies, are not all pathetic. Nor are all sissies weak, or pathetic. Nor do all subs, or all sissies, want to lick shoes. And some masculine strong capable men love licking shoes. And some masculine strong capable men like being sissies.

Skip the stereotypes, read a little more, and you’ll find this subject done to death in every group about female dominants and male submissives.

Where do you find them? Wherever you find men. It just takes a lot of time and screening, just like finding any other relationship.

How do you dominate them? You are dominant, they are submissive. Hopefully, it works out. Yes, there’s a lot more to it than that, but not a lot that we can really tell you in a single thread that’s already devoted to debunking the stereotypical insults against sub males. You read a lot. You practice a lot. You get rid of old preconceptions and learn a lot about yourself and what you actually want, which often turns out to be not at all what you thought you wanted. Somewhere along the way a guy kneels to you and you give him an order. And the journey begins.

  • to find one is easier than you think. while I am very submissive …no one would know it based on my outward appearance or mannerisms. I have a powerful position at work, I am skilled in most things that are stereotyped as “manly”….but simply take a look at my pics to see a more submissive side.

Funny thing…those successful guys may want your heels grinding into their pathetic little “clit”

  • Finding this kind of sub isn’t going to be easy, and the process will likely be a bit harder than normal dating. Try participating in groups in your area, maybe you’ll find a little success there.

And if you truly are not a financial Domme, try sounding less like one and you might have better luck.

  • You want a successful guy who will submit to you without you having to do anything like “hard work” to either find him or dominate him. What kind of strong successful man would submit to a woman like that? A strong successful man has probably worked his ass off to become what he is. Why on earth would he submit to somebody who just wants it the easy way? Why would he respect her or follow her leadership?
  • Do I come across as a financial domme? I don’t understand how? I just want a successful guy not a pathetic loser. I never said anything about wanting his money. Why are people making this assumption about me ?

maybe cause you wrote this?

I want strong powerful men to control, men who can help me get the things I want in life…How should a girl go about finding and dominating successful, powerful guys?

No you haven’t mentioned you want HIS money but you certainly imply that’s your primary interest. And then you make 1 silly statement after another like this

It all sounds like hard work, there must be easier ways.

You mean like ugghhhhh i have to work??? Nuh uh!!! Can’t i find a rich subbie who will buy me everything i need at Subway? Don’t they have a $5 footlong special?

  • This lifestyle is not for everyone & those that show disdain for it without prior investigation are the real losers. FL has a few wankers on it granted but the majority of people here are educated & one can learn alot from them. I know as a person in this community for almost 14 months I value what experiences these wonderful people freely share with me.
  • My submissive does not define my success or who I am. I am a success in my own right. In fact, while he is a successful businessman and shareholder in a company, I allow him to buy me nothing or help me ‘achieve’ further success. His only requirement from me is to serve me totally, whole-heartedly, sincerely, and faithfully.

I don’t know whether you are a financial domme or not, but you do sound rather young. Subs are neither weak nor pathetic. I believe it takes tremendous strength for a man to recognize, acknowledge, and give in to his submissive nature.

Perhaps you would do better to seek (i.e. put forth the effort to find) someone who is a good match for you (regardless of his personal status) rather than limiting yourself to a powerful, successful submissive who can boost your ego.

  • When you say things like “I’m looking for a successful man to get me the things I want in life” and “You are going to help me get what I deserve”, and best of all, “I do not come cheap.” These things come off very poorly. To me, this is very obvious, but if you don’t realize how you sound, I’m not sure I can make you realize that either, aside from: “I can’t get it myself, so you have to get it for me, because you’re successful. I’ll get things easily off of your hard work.”
  • It all sounds like hard work, there must be easier ways.

Easy sometime happens, but not often. Finding a sub is easy. Finding a successful professional man who’s a sub is pretty easy.

Finding a any male who is going to be compatible in all of those vanilla ways AND kink compatible is very very difficult.

A lot of women think that because there are tons of guy subs and not many femDoms that it will be easy to find a partner. Sure, if you’re not very discriminating.

But you want someone of quality I assume, right? So what’s in it for him? What is your style of domming? Do you want a 24/7 lifestyle relationship or a bedroom only relationship? Are you the “earth mother, guiding” kind of dominant or the imperious regal kind, or the bitch queen?

And why types of play do you like? Are you skilled at any particular form of BDSM activity?

And how much responsibility are you able willing AND able to assume. Remember having authority means having responsibility.

Successful professional men are going to want a Dominant who is self-aware, thoughtful and able to convince him that she will put as much effort into guiding and leading as he puts into his obedience and service.

Saying “It all sounds like hard work, there must be easier ways.” is not a good way to find what you seek. A re-assessment of the situation would be my first suggestion.

  • How do you find a successful, powerful man to dominate? Mostly by being a successful, powerful woman!

It has been said many times here & elsewhere that being a slave means you have to be wimpy, or sissy or pathetic… the 2 are not mutually exclusive.

I don’t do weak, pathetic morsels, I only choose those that demonstrate “inner-resolve”. This demonstrates his ability to be powerful, strong, intelligent, successful whilst in a Power-exchange – Female Led relationship. he surrenders his power willingly & knowingly, without feeling emasculated. Otherwise, what is the attraction? I bring therefore I expect…
And by the way, I love successful, intelligent men groveling at My feet & licking My boots
Oooo it gets Me all hot under the collar 😉

  • I have a very strong personality and i have done well for myself in my career. I do not think that I am weak/sissy ect. But, coming home to a Beautiful Domme’ is a life dream that has been fulfilled for me. All-day long I have to control issues with my job, it so nice to come home and just follow orders..

I have been told by a few that i should be more submissive? I serve only one Domme’ and I serve Her in the manner She wants. It is my confidence and my strength that allows me to completely surrender to Her…do I feel weak around Her, yes at times. Ms. Linda can raise Her tone of voice or move quickly at me and I immediately become very weak to Her and have a sense of fear…. this could not happen with another Domme’ because their is no foundation for that relationship to occur…

  • Above all, especially as kink gets more mainstream and acceptable like attracts like. Of course, we’re awash in do-me subs (and do-me doms!), but if you’re looking for the sort of domestic/romantic partnerships between equals, that’s one part negotiation and one part what you would normally get if you’re vanilla.

While there are enough dysfunctional individuals running in kink around to populate a decent-sized psychiatric hospital, enough that people will often make a few compromises, frankly “intelligent, successful, powerful and well-connected men” want intelligence, successful, powerful and well-connected women. Most of them aren’t inclined to “help you get what you want out of life” unless they have a twig for mentoring. It’s okay to have a thing for sitting on suits and a deep distaste for people who routinely miss their bills and live with parents for more than cultural reasons… But just like certain subs need to learn you can’t call 1-800-Dom-Come and get an extra-large dominatrix with cheese, most capable well-adjusted guys aren’t going to fill up your inbox begging for you. They’ve got lives to lead and if they’re socially astute enough to get “good connections” they’re socially astute enough to want a fem-dom who fits into their life.

  • How should a girl go about finding and dominating successful, powerful guys?

First of all – don’t accept the service of a guy who has so many people listed on his fetlife relationships that you have to scroll down to see them all. I counted that he’s in service to 5 different people, has relationships with umpteen bunches of others (I lost count because I didn’t want to count anyone twice) and is listed as a master.

I’m calling BS on this one. She’s 21 – has 3 s-types and a “sister” Of the partners, one is the guy with umpteen bunches of other parnters, another has 11 different partners.

And we’re trying to give serious advice?

So this is all BS in my book. call me judgmental. But I can live with that.

  • Guys who do this are getting increasingly sparse on the ground, as far as long term partnerships, one of the side effects of women hitting the work force in ever increasing numbers. Dom or sub, of course plenty of people get the lid for their pot, but assuming no radical shift in priorities, the reality is that like attracts like for the population at large and there’s usually some trade offs. Aspiring homemaker is asking to fit into a socio-economically unusual niche, one which exists but usually involves a mountain of small children, a far right set of religious beliefs or basically having a career outside the home that you don’t get paid for (historically women who could afford not to work tended to end up taking on things like social work and a lot of the other pink collar caretaking jobs). So you can see, desire is not the only step.

There is nothing wrong with liking yourself a nice captain of industry (or whatever). You don’t need to apologize for your fetishes, but you can’t be mad if meeting them is beyond your grasp. When you actually want to interface with a real live human being is when you start making the trade offs and compromises. And very few men or women want to be treated like a plug n’ play replaceable fetish personification outside limited stints of enthusiastic romping in privacy. Certainly femdoms deal with this a lot- the whole dominatrix shtick is fixated on being an object of desire, and any one of us has an ear full to give you about stereotypes.

  • I think you’re probably right. And to be honest, I felt sort of badly snarking about it all. But there are so many younger women who are trying so hard to learn their way around this lifestyle, and who are serious, considerate, and fair minded and accept and evaluate suggestions seriously and even follow up with private emails.blond with a lot of accessories

I initially thought it was a valid question, and now I sort of feel like I’ve been taken for a bit of a ride.

Maybe I’m completely wrong here but I really don’t understand how any woman could define herself as being dominant if her only purpose is to find somebody so that she can hitch a ride on the wave of his success. Where is the power in that?
Yeah she can order him to grovel at her feet and lick her boots and call her Mistress. But all she’s been is a fantasy figure. She’ll never be a real person and while she’s basking in the illusion of power that she has over him he’s just waiting for somebody younger or prettier or with a better collection of toys.
REAL POWER starts from inside you. Nobody can give it to you. You have to believe that you are a strong, powerful person in your own right. You have to achieve success by yourself and it doesn’t matter what that success is. It doesn’t have to involve money.

  • Let’s answer question one first since it’s the easy one. Ready? No. I am neither weak nor sissy, and certainly not pathetic.

I’m not sure what exactly you mean by ‘men who can help me get the things I want in life’. I’m guessing you want material things? Not emotional or spiritual things?

(A shallow assumption, perhaps, but statistically I’ll be right more often than not with this assumption, so I’ll stick with it.)

Now, the second question is much messier to answer. You asked ‘How should a girl go about finding and dominating successful, powerful guys?’

And first, you didn’t define what ‘successful, powerful guys’ are exactly. Again, I’ll make a simple assumption and guess you mean monetarily powerful and successful. Money is after all the medium of exchange and can be traded for goods and services. It’s also a pretty handy ruler for measuring success.

Otherwise, I could for example, set out to improve the world by creating a genetically modified strain of wheat that grows in harsher conditions so more people can eat. I could even succeed, release my seeds for free and feed millions of hungry people every year, but I’m guessing that’s not the kind of success you’re looking for here? (It’s also darned hard to measure quantitatively.)

So, let’s start with what do successful, powerful men want? Most likely, equals. (Shocking, I know.)

Consider dating an exchange. Like any other. Only, we’re not trading money. The medium of exchange is much harder to pin down here. So, we’ll trade ourselves (in an emotional sense), and our time. (These are probably the two most obvious things involved here, but I’m open to alternatives.)

I want to trade my time and my self for something of equal or greater value, right? No one wants to trade for something of perceived lesser value, that violates the concept of rational self-interest. (And people should generally be trusted to act in their own rational self-interest. People acting irrationally are too hard to predict to be worth arguing about, they’re also unlikely to matter in the equation over time.) You, in fact, are looking for successful, powerful men so they will ‘share their secrets’. That means they have to get something of equal or greater value for their secrets. I’m not saying whether or not you are, just that’s what you have to be ready to trade in this exchange. The men you’re looking for then, are looking for powerful, successful women. (I’m assuming that John Carney is wrong and that Nichole Lapin is right. Specifically, that smart people (which I’ll equate to powerful and successful in a knowledge economy) don’t want less smart partners.)

  • Everything that is worth something takes a lot of work. There are usually no easy outs. That being said I would just suggest going to where there are a lot of powerful men and either waiting for them to hit on you or you asking them out. As a submissive man who does what he can to be successful, I think a woman asking me out is extremely attractive. I love it when women take the lead.

That being said maybe you need to change something in your current situation. Given that you’re so close to London I’m assuming there are plenty of submissive successful men around you. Maybe go to more high-class clubs and then when you see a guy in a suit approaches him.

Also what spankboston said makes a lot of sense. You’re 21 any guy around your age is still training to become successful. Financial success is a long road for a man, so you might just have to look for the traits that make someone successful. Happy hunting.

  • It honestly seems to me that most people have a preconceived notion of what a submissive male looks and acts like. I find that whenever I discuss bondage with a female they automatically assume that I’m dominant because of my strong personality and muscled frame, this however is simply not the case. I find that I intimidate women and therefore need one with e very strong personality to control me. I don’t mind taking orders but I would much rather be forced into taking them through force or punishment. Nothing turns me on more than a girl screaming at me and abusing me roughly and I like to think of myself as one of the most masculine guys I know.