Chastity play for male submissives

Is it core or just a sex act?

I am frequently asked about chastity play for men – not only about what kinds of devices to use, potential risks in prolonged wearing but also why so many men crave this kind of play. Please note that this article is written with Female Dominance & male submission in mind but is not limited to a Mistress/submissive relationship.

Just to clarify there are many femDommes who believe that a “real” submissive is one who craves submission even when not aroused. I do not hold to this belief – submission is a unique mental state that can be achieved part-time or full time without changing the value of the submission being offered.

For most men submission is directly related to their sex drive so once they achieve orgasm their submission no longer exists. They need that state of arousal to fuel their submission. Prolonging that arousal only increases that “need” to submit. There is no greater way to prolong that need than by denying them that much-wanted orgasm.

The mind fuck of being locked

For the submissive male giving a woman power over his orgasms can be the ultimate act of submission. The sensation of having a device locked on their cock & balls is a constant reminder that they are forbidden from orgasming. Even achieving an erection is controlled to a certain extent. The harder they get the more uncomfortable the chastity device becomes. Many men find having their arousal squeezed tightly even more arousing and it helps them reach a mental state of submission where they will do almost anything to please their Mistress.

During this state of chastity arousal, a submissive can achieve such a “needy” state of arousal that they become consumed by their own denial – I refer to this state as “sexual insanity”. There is nothing a submissive male will not do, endure, and submit to in this sexual insanity state of emotional submission. They literally become a slave to their sex and the woman who holds the key to their torment and denial. This emotional sexual insanity enhances sensations and everything around them takes on new meaning. It creates a depth like nothing else can and it is highly addictive. It also creates an emotional dependency on the person holding the key (thus why submissives fall so all-consumingly in love with their Dominants).

The best way to describe this to people who have never experienced this interest is to compare it to something you are absolutely passionate about – say chocolate for example. If chocolate is your weakness and your ultimate favorite chocolate is locked inside a cage – you can see it, you can smell it, you can almost taste it… you are starving for it… and the person who has the key to the cage says they will let you have it – IF you submit to something. If you want it bad enough, if you crave it strong enough, you will do anything to get it. Each task performed only increases the value of that of which you cannot have. Each task only enhances your need to please the person who controls that which you want the most.

Is it safe?

Chastity play does have serious emotional risks due to the addictive and all-consuming nature of the play. In the wrong hands chastity play can become abuse. Even in the right hands chastity can become abusive if the Dominant doesn’t possess very strong moral ethics. No BDSM or power exchange activities should be taken lightly for they touch more than just the body – they touch the heart and soul of the person participating in it.

There is also the risk that once the Dominant and submissive break off ties that the submissive will never feel complete without that rush of chastity play in the future. They can’t explain “why” they need this so badly and many women will feel rejected that their new partner wants his sex locked away when she wants to use and enjoy it. It creates stressful dynamics that can compromise future relationships.

Many of the techniques used in brainwashing are unknowingly used in BDSM or power exchange play. So caution must always be used when exploring these realms. I highly recommend learning as much as you can about the emotional dynamics and risks involved before trying any new activities of this nature with your partner. What may seem harmless sexual fun may end up being emotional scars that can damage a person for life.

Chastity is a real pleasure

All that being said – for those in a compassionate & responsible D/s relationship chastity play can certainly increase the loving bond between the Dominant and the submissive when used with care (please note compassionate & responsible are the essential elements here). For those of you who are going to explore this or have already explored chastity devices the following is more detailed information to help you get the most from the experience.

Chastity devices can look very different but have the same principle for men – they are held in place by locking the cock cage portion against the balls. What this means is that the balls will continually be held away from the body while wearing this device.

Testicles are designed to be able to retract into the male body when they are cold and hang lower away from the body when it is too hot. They are self-regulating temperature controlled to allow for ideal conditions for manufacturing sperm. When you take away their ability to self-regulate temperature you run the risk of causing health problems.

While locked in a chastity device it is essential that the wearer AND the key holder is aware of external and internal temperatures so that things can be adjusted to accordingly to accommodate his body. If it is cooler or cold outside you will need to have additional protection for the warmth of his testicles. Dance belts sold at ballet supply stores are ideal for adding that additional layer of warmth under clothes. A dance belt holds a man’s cock and balls tightly against his body with a thick layer of stretchy fabric that fits like a snug thong. This stretchy layer keeps things firmly in place without pinching.

If the weather is warmer cotton boxers will allow the device to hang lower down a man’s leg instead of pressed tightly against his over heating body (this is why doctors recommend briefs for men who are trying to conceive children as they give freedom for self temperature regulation).

And much more

As you can see, there is much more to chastity play than just locking a man up and denying him orgasms… there are health risks and knowledge of anatomy is important if you are going to do anything that changes the natural state of the human body.


One other vital piece of information to keep in mind: chastity devices do NOT just slip off. This means if a man is wearing a chastity device he has to use extra caution when moving about in his daily life. Even something as simple as a desk corner can catch the device when walking by pulling painfully hard on the device in the process. It can also get caught on less obvious things like bicycle seats, turn styles at stores, ladders, car doors, etc… If the yank on the device is hard enough it can cause serious permanent damage. If you are a man wearing this device slow down and use caution in every movement you make. Be aware of where your body is and protect yourself. If active in sportswear a protective cup (if one can be found to cover the device) or at least a jock strap or dance belt to keep it snuggly against your body.